Letting Go Of Holding On
by iluvnsplushj
Summary: Main couple: Nathan and Haley. Haley moves to New York at the age of 13 and returns three years later a changed person. Can Nathan help her forget her past? COMPLETE WITH EPILOGUE 6.20
1. Default Chapter

Hey everyone. This is the first story I've posted on this board. I actually have all of it written, so if you like it, I should be able to update at least once a day, if not more. The plot is pretty self explanatory and there will be a sequel. This is a total naley fic. Drop me a reply and let me know what you thought.

Chapter 1:

In their youthful ignorance, at the acutely adolescent age of 13, they were utterly inseparable. They were the best of friends through the worst of times and could always depend on one another. Often compared to the three musketeers, the well known phrase, "All for one and one for all" described perfectly their unwavering friendship.

Nathan, Haley, and Lucas: a trio of three kids who had formed a quite unlikely bond. Nathan had befriended Lucas in spite of his father's ardent wish that he not, too young to understand the consequences this would bring in his later years.

There was much competition between the three as they grew older and became driven by success. In middle school, Nathan surpassed both Lucas and Haley in the popularity department. Though he remained on fairly good terms with his two best friends, his new friends demanded more of his precious time.

All three members of the terrible trio (a despised nickname dreamed up by Keith) were athletic, but there was no question about who was most coordinated. Though Nathan was slightly more talented at the sport which his world revolved around, basketball, Lucas was by far the better athlete. Exceeding the abilities of most young boys his age, he was found to be a natural at most sports. Tennis, soccer, baseball, football, basketball, track; you name it, he could play it.

The one area in which Haley could freely boast of superiority was intelligence. Her determination to succeed at academics was, to say the least, astounding. She was one of those people who, if remembered for nothing else, would be thought of as the girl meant to be valedictorian. Though her unyielding determination was certainly cause for intimidation, it was countered by her impossibly pure innocence. Her life had yet to be tainted by the cruel, harsh realities of the outside world.

Hence the reason Nathan and Lucas felt obligated to protect her. But the opportunity to forever keep her from harm faded abruptly when they had all reached the yearned for age of 13. Haley could recall the day in vivid detail.

FLASHBACK

She was situated comfortably on her bed, watching a soap opera, which she had strangely enough been quite fond of when her mother sauntered gracefully into the room followed by her father. Muting the TV, Haley slowly sat up and turned cautiously to her parents, who looked unmistakably worried. "Honey, can we talk to you for a minute?" her mother asked, smiling wearily.

"Sure," she answered apprehensively. Inwardly, she began to panic. Since when did her parents have anything of importance to discuss with her? Or anything to discuss with her for that matter? They handed her enormous sums of money, gave her gifts, criticized her, but never did they speak to her as though she were their daughter.

She had learned to accept her parents' actions toward her long ago and no longer showed any emotion as an effect of them. But it still hurt. And she was beginning to realize that it always would. Countless times, she had attempted to convince herself otherwise, but this always failed.

Broken from her thoughts by her mother's smooth, buttery voice, Haley listened intently to the news which tore her world apart. "Sweetie, your father was promoted. Now, this promotion means more money, better clothes and a better car for you, but it also means we will be moving to New York."

Her parents watched helplessly as her eyes clouded over with tears and she shakily stood and ran from the room. She could hear her parents shouting after her as she ran through the front door, but even their booming voices couldn't penetrate the thick fog which had settled in her mind. As she stumbled farther from her house, she could think of one destination: Lucas's house.

But quite suddenly she found herself ringing the doorbell at Nathan's house. She was completely confused as to why she would end up at Nathan's house instead of Lucas's, but these thoughts didn't prevent her from knocking impatiently on the glossy front door of his enormous, stylishly modern house.

Her face was thoroughly soaked with tears. During her perplexing walk over, in which she had bypassed her predetermined destination, she had failed to notice the storm raging outside. Her clothes were extremely soggy and hung limp on her petite figure.

The door flew open abruptly to reveal... Lucas? As she pondered the many reasons for Luke's presence at Nathan's house, a tall figure appeared behind him. Nathan. Both boys looked equally and genuinely concerned as they noticed her tears and further her disheveled appearance.

As predicted, Lucas spoke first, whispering, "Hales, you OK?" Hesitantly, she shook her head and immediately after found herself in Lucas's tight, warm embrace.

She cried into his shoulder for several moments, until a high, tinkling laugh interrupted her soft sobs. Suddenly, Brooke Davis strutted up behind Nathan and Lucas, noticing Haley and questioning condescendingly, "What's this loser doing here?" Nathan stood still, face impassive, eyes unreadable. Lucas glared coldly at her and led Haley away from the door and down the road, toward his house, where she now knew she should have gone the first time.

As they began their trek up the street, the door finally slammed shut, the sound seeming to echo up and down the street. Glancing back, Haley was disappointed to find that Nathan had one again chosen his cocky, self-centered popular friends over her. And because once again, Lucas was the only one there to offer her any consolation available.

If this had been the first time Nathan had failed her so completely as a friend, it wouldn't have caused her so much pain. But this was just another time to be added to the steadily growing amount in which Nathan had chosen popularity over her. And she wished fervently with all of her heart that she could grow some balls and be angry with him. But there was no anger in her entire body devoted to Nathan Scott. Instead, she was hurt. Hurt that he chose a life of meaningless people and events over her, the truest friend he quite possibly would ever have.

That night, after telling her dilemna to Luke and allowing herself to be comforted, she cried herself to sleep in his arms, only wishing Nathan could have been there to hold her too.

END FLASHBACK

Now, three years later, she lay in her comfortable king sized bed, remembering her friendship with Lucas and Nathan as hot tears slid down her face, which was a mask of pain and sorrow.

Now, as she turned and glanced at the clock, placed strategically on the wall, which read 2:16 AM, her thoughts drifted to a different 2:16 AM on a different day. Precisely three years ago.

FLASHBACK

It was finally the night before the James family moved and Haley James lay still and unmoving in her bed, willing herself sternly not to cry. She tried desperately to convince herself that she had shed enough tears in the past month.  
Half of the treasured summer students yearned for year long had passed by all too quickly, and for Haley James, much of it had been spent either packing or crying. And this was considered by most a complete waste of a long period of precious, valuable time. Though in the past, she too would have thought this, she found various ways to justify her actions.

Since she had shown up on Nathan's doorstep and he had failed her yet again, she had seen much of Lucas, but still no Nathan.

As she watched the neon green numbers of the clock turn abruptly to 2:16 AM, a loud thump sounded, coming from the general direction of her window. Stepping out of bed, her feet coming into contact with the cold hard wood of her bedroom floor, she slowly made the short trip to her window and yanked it open only to have Nathan tumble through it, landing at her feet.

He quickly picked himself up off the floor, wincing and rubbing his back where he had landed on it.

After closing the window, Haley hesitantly took Nathan's hand in her own and led him to stand next to her bed then pushed him down onto it, motioning for him to roll over onto his stomach. He did as she asked and she sank down next to him and began massaging his back, kneading it firmly.

"Thank you," he whispered.

She simply nodded.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, the only sound their breathing, Haley not knowing what to make of this unexpected visit.

Finally, Nathan began to speak. "Haley, I am so sorry."

She just stared intently at him, waiting patiently for him to continue his apology.

He sighed deeply, sitting up and taking her hands in his. "I know we're only 13, but Haley, you're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm pretty sure I'll never have another friend who can measure up to you. You've taught me so much and I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but I love you more than I could ever even love a brother or sister. And I know I haven't been real good to you lately and I really regret that because you're so much better than all my new friends combined. I am so sorry."

He stopped and took a deep breath as Haley's eyes filled with unshed tears. Then he continued, "Lucas told me you were moving and I've been wanting to come see you and explain for weeks. But I was scared you wouldn't forgive me. But I knew I had to try. So here I am and I hope you can forgive me. Cuz you're my best friend and you always will be."

As he finished his speech, Haley pulled him into a tight hug and broke down in his arms as she whispered into his ear, "I forgive you."

He held her tightly as he stroked her hair, whispering soothing, reassuring words in her ear. He laid them down on her bed, never loosening his arms from around her. Eventually, she fell asleep, but Nathan lay awake, staring down at her tear stained face and marveling at how her parents hadn't noticed how miserable they were making their own daughter, rocking her gently whenever she stirred.

A little before 8:30 that fateful morning, Haley was gently shaken awake by Nathan. She smiled weakly at him as they sat up. Frowning, he stated, "I should get home. My parents are probably worried sick."

"At least they care," retorted Haley bitterly.

"Hey," he said, "your parents love you so much. They've just been busy lately."

'Try for the last 13 years,' she thought, but simply sighed and said, "I guess you're right."

"That's my girl," he grinned down at her.

She smiled back at him and snared him in a hug. His expression immediately changed to one of regret as he remembered his urgent need to return home. Pulling away from the hug and clapping his hands onto her shoulders he said, "Haley, you're the best person I know. You're always so kind and willing to help people. And you always do the right thing. Don't ever change."

"I won't," she whispered.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He kissed her forehead and with one last hug, he was gone.

END FLASHBACK

She thought of the promise she had made to Nathan three years ago. It had seemed a legitimate promise to make at the time. Easier said than done.

She sighed and glanced at the man, a complete stranger, next to her in bed. She had always been disgusted by the girls whose time was occupied with nothing but #$ random men. Now, she was one of them. Her virginity had been lost one drunken night mere months after moving to New York.

As she thought of that last night in Tree Hill, she realized she had broken her promise.

"I'm sorry, Nathan," she uttered softly as the tears continued to slide quickly down the perfectly chiseled contours of her worn and tired face.


	2. Chapter 2

**wiltedsour: **I'm honored you would put my story on your naley community. Hope your subscribers like it. **monkeygirl2157: **This will be a naley. Hope that doesn't change your opinion. lol. So, thanks for your reviews guys. I read them and had to update. Here's the second chapter. Enjoy.

She had changed. Though at first, she had denied this fact, unwilling and unable to admit it, the revelation was now inescapable. It was more true than she had ever imagined possible. The changes were far from subtle. They were drastic and happened in such rapid succession, the old Haley seemed to have never truly existed. And with the disappearance of everything she had once been, her innocence had also vanished.

In start contrast to her happy go lucky attitude in what she now considered her "younger years," in which she had been nothing but naive, her kind disposition had been morphed into one of a cold and heartless bitch.

Forced into a world completely new to her had taken its toll. New York was much more fast paced than her childhood home of Tree Hill, North Carolina where peace reigned in glorious supremacy and there was only the occasional minor disruption. New York had an entirely different atmosphere. One which had exposed Haley to danger, injustice, and intolerable cruelty in its entirety.

Though when she had first arrived in New York City, her favor for doing the right thing had remained intact, after several weeks, she had learned that should she choose to stay the same, unchanging as she had promised Nathan, she would only become one of many trampled over by those who occupied this empty hearted city. For according to those who called New York home, no one had enough sense to care for anyone else. And perhaps those living outside of this realm would consider this a great fault, but to one such as Haley who, against her will, was surrounded by this appalling quality on a daily basis, it only became increasingly harder to resist its alluring appeal as each day passed.

Soon after her family's abrupt move, Haley began to feel inevitably homesick. A group of young teens which exuded an aura of the type of maturity which could only equal trouble, who called themselves The Skulls, came crashing into her life. Sensing her vulnerability and seizing their opportunity, they took advantage of her newfound weakness, drawing her into their group as they discovered her desperate wish to be accepted by her peers.

She could remember every detail of her first day at New York Academy.

FLASHBACK

Haley had participated in a total of five classes thus far and none had captivated her interest as most subjects at Tree Hill Middle School had. Nevertheless, she was as fastidiously studious as in her former years and her attention had not faltered for even a solitary moment so far.

Weary as to what the second half of her day would bring, as the bell signaling lunch reverberated throughout the entire school, she found herself in the middle of what could only be called a stampede of students. As she rushed to keep up with the crowd, which only seemed to increase in size rather than diminish, she found herself pushed into the cafeteria and stood in awe of its immense size.

But she wasn't hungry. Lately, she was never hungry, always too depressed to eat. Though she knew that as a result of her rapid appetite loss, her health was slowly fading away, the thought of food disgusted her to the point where she was appalled should anyone mention it. From time to time, she would force herself to eat only to throw back up the tiny portions.

Her figure was slowly deteriorating yet she felt no remorse, no inclinations to take action against it. So, as she selected an empty table and sat alone, she thought no one would notice her tiny frame, since it barely took up any space at all, much less approach her.  
But as "The Skulls" entered the cafeteria, they spotted her and with a simple gesture from their leader Jack, she became their newest conquest. The entire group which consisted of 7 rebellious teenagers forever looking for new ways to disrupt walked in a pack to her table and each one took a seat save two muscular boys who stood forebodingly behind her, blocking any possible escape on this curious new girl's part.

Her eyes shot to each member of the group as she observed them nervously.

Jack cleared his throat loudly and Haley flinched at the sound, then turned to him, the fear in her eyes only too evident. But before he could utter even a word, she spoke quickly in a hushed voice. "What do you want?"

Laughter erupted within the group as Jack grinned, amused that this tiny girl who had previously seemed incredibly afraid now spoke so boldly to them, a quite intimidating group. He replied easily, "Relax, we just wanted to introduce ourselves."

When she simply blinked a few times, no longer showing any signs of distress, he continued smoothly, "I'm Jack."

She nodded and said with no hesitation, "I'm Haley."

The two boys behind her introduced themselves as Jeff and Ryan. The girl to her left was Sam. Haley took notice her immediately, her attention caught as she took in her various piercings, the tattoos on her arms of skulls, and her hair, which was cut in choppy layers and dyed black at the tips. As she was introduced to Joe, a guy with a buzz cut, Talia, a girl with stunning sapphire eyes, and Danny, a girl who dressed in nothing but black, she noticed that each person had a tattoo of a skull on their right arm.

Once they had all met, Jack announced a meeting of The Skulls after school behind the gym and invited Haley. In her next few classes, her attention wandered for the first time as she pondered the possible consequences of attending the meeting. But apparently, she had no choice in the matter because Jack was in her last class and dragged her to the meeting.

When everyone had arrived, Same pulled a joint out of her pocket. As everyone else took a turn, Haley wondered why she had been invited and what she should do if they chose to offer her a turn. Then, quite suddenly, Jack was waving it in her face and, as he saw her reluctance, voiced his opinion. "Come on, Haley. We won't get expelled. Even if we get caught, the wackos who run this school are bent on improving us, not giving up on us. Trust me, it's the same speech we get every time."

"But isn't this illegal?" she had questioned, glancing warily at the joint.

He simply shrugged.

She debated her next move, weighing her options, for she knew, should she choose to give in to their demands, nothing would ever be the same.

As she made her decision, her mind filled instantly with regret when the small object rolled from Jack's hand to hers and she brought it slowly to her lips and inhaled deeply.

END FLASHBACK

From that moment, she never again questioned their pastimes as she slowly became a part of their exclusive group. Within months of her initiation, a keg party, she had shared many firsts she had often before deemed impossible with her new friends. She drank her first beer, vodka, shot of tequila, and so much more with the 7 people who succeeded in completely changing her.

She had lost her virginity to Jack three months after moving to New York, just before her 14th birthday.

Now, as she thought back on the prior three years of her life she regretted that her parents had been too distant to stop her. Always away, whether vacationing or on business, they had not noticed the person their daughter had become. Which she had recently decided was for the best anyway, considering how angry these developments would make them.

But to her credit, she was no longer involved with The Skulls. Though, even this, wasn't of her own will. They had been arrested for possession of illegal substances one night when a police man had come upon them getting high in the school gym, which they had broken into late at night.

Fortunately, Haley had been extremely sick and unable to go with them.

For about a month after losing the only acquaintances she had made since her arrival a little over a year before, she had been completely lost. But, a girl named Donna befriended her and once again, she had been swept into a world completely foreign to her.

This time, the world was the one of the rich and glamorous. Haley was introduced to the fine art of shopping with Daddy's credit card. With makeup and a new wardrobe, she was made to look years older than her actual age of 15.

The highlight of her life became slipping into clubs and using her new fake ID to get wasted. Each night, she was taken home by an older man who usually slept over, then left in the morning. Now, in addition to her state of depression and self destruction, she was a bitchy slut, a whore who had experienced and caused more troubles in her young life than most people in their elderly years could boast of. 'Wouldn't Mommy and Daddy dearest be proud?' she thought bitterly as the last article of clothing was thrown haphazardly into one of an enormous group of giant cardboard boxes.

After finally becoming accustomed to life in New York and settling into her new self, they were going back. After three years of doing anything necessary to be accepted, they were moving again. But this time, they were going back home. In two days.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, in Tree Hill, Nathan and Lucas had hardly changed at all. Both were now on the Tree Hill basketball team and were constantly competing. Though time had only proven that their relationship was not approved of by many, the strain wasn't enough to severe the bond the two shared.

When Haley left, they had made a pact to remain friends for her sake. Now, though they kept their pact, neither had mentioned Haley in two years. It was too painful for them to discuss her while being separated from her.

Nathan could still remember the last time they had spoken her name.

FLASHBACK

As Nathan dribbled the ball on the concrete, Lucas standing in front of him, he suddenly asked, "Do you think she's happy?"  
"Who?" questioned Lucas, looking thoroughly confused.

"Haley," Nathan whispered.

Lucas paused, then spoke slowly, "I think Haley is strong and that she'll find happiness wherever she goes."

Nathan nodded, but then blurted, "Do you think she misses us?"

"I hope she does," Lucas said, eyes filled with pain.

Both boys stood in silence for several minutes, thinking of their former friend.

"Then why doesn't she call?" Nathan yelled, his voice betraying his anguish.

The words hung between the two as they stood, wondering if she had simply forgotten them.

"Let's just not talks about it anymore," Lucas suggested quietly yet firmly.

Nathan nodded, knowing the subject would only cause them more pain. They returned to their game of basketball, Nathan secretly thinking of Haley.

END FLASHBACK

Since that day, neither had dared to mention her name for fear of hurting the other.

But Nathan still thought of her constantly. Visions of her beautiful smiling face, her innocent eyes, her almost musical laugh filled him with joy each day. He thought of how forgiving she had been to him and countless others. He thought of her willingness to help people and the selfless quality which was portrayed in everything she did. And each time he did, a sad smile touched his lips.

He often reminisced about all of the things they did together as children. He remembered when he would have to walk her home if it was beginning to get dark because she was afraid of things lurking behind bushes and trees. He would point frantically to one of the bushes and say he had seen it move. She would shriek and hide behind him, causing him to become immersed in fits of hysterical laughter. She would chase him all the way to her house, yelling that she would kill him.

He remembered climbing trees. He would always be forced to climb beneath Haley so that if she fell, he would serve as her cushioning.

But mostly, he just remembered her.

He yearned to see her again, to have her back with him where she belonged. When they were young and something important happened in his life, whether good or bad, she'd be the first to know because she was always there for him. She would be his source of comfort when something went wrong, doing her best to help him through it. And she shared his excitement when something went right.

God, how he missed her. 'I wonder what she's doing now,' he thought as the sun began to sink below the horizon and another day of missing Haley James ended.

Little did he know that in just two short days, she would enter his life again. But the Haley he longed for now had been left behind, collecting dust, buried beneath the new Haley, whom even Nathan wasn't prepared for.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys. So, I'm so happy that One Tree Hill is starting up again today that I decided to update. lol. Well, actually I promised an update every day and so far, haven't been doing as good a job with that as I would like, so I'm going to try to start doing better with it. Thank you so much to everyone who replied. Once things settle down here and I have more time on my hands, I'll start giving personal thank yous to everyone with each chapter. Love you guys! Enjoy.

Chapter 3:

Fueling her apprehension about her first day back in her quaint home town of Tree Hill, she had yet to come across a face she recognized. After informing her parents that she would "rather not be forced to unpack on her first day back" and a few more similar persuasive phrases, she had been allowed outside to "become reacquainted with the place" (as her parents phrased it) while the movers were paid a ridiculously large sum of money to unpack and organize everything she had brought with her. 'That's gonna take a while,' she thought, snickering at how foolish the men who proudly called themselves "movers" had been to take the job her parents had offered to them.

As she strolled lazily down the street, she couldn't help but be mesmerized by her surroundings. She had forgotten how peaceful this place was. So different from New York, it seemed the two cities couldn't possibly coexist on the same planet, much less within the same country. Yet they did. She shook her head in wonderment at the thought.

In New York, the fast paced bustle and the rush you felt to be part of the crowds which hurried down the many streets had consumed her, but here, well her she had time to think, time to reflect, time to remember. It was a blessed relief from the always changing city of New York.

As she continued gracefully down the streets of Tree Hill, seeming to glide rather than walk, she thought of the person she had once been. She had been the best person Nathan knew. What had happened to her? Quite suddenly, her thoughts turned angry. She knew what had happened. Real life had happened. And with it came the realization that people like her never got anywhere. The only thing they got was a broken heart. And she refused to be one of them. So she had changed, finally understanding the pointlessness of striving to be a good person if she would never be rewarded.

Her thoughts resolute as her determination to protect her heart took prominence once again in her mind, she realized how hungry she was. It was strange, but the change in environment had caused her to rethink her outlook on food and her appetite seemed to have increased heartily.

Whipping out her cell phone she quickly dialed her dad's cell number and listened impatiently as it rang. He answered with  
a tired voice, "Hey, sweetheart."

"Daddy, what are we doing for dinner?" she questioned sweetly.

"Well, your mom and I were going out to eat. you can do whatever you want. Just be home by midnight."

"Yes, Daddy," she responded, her voice oozing fake syrupy sweetness, though he didn't seem to notice. "Love you," she continued.

"Love you too. Bye, sweetie," he said, words punctuated with a yawn.

Rolling her eyes, she slammed her phone shut and threw it back in her purse, white with cherries decorating the blank surface.

Farther up the street, she noticed a sign which read, 'Karen's Cafe.' As she read the sign, she was assailed with memories. Owned by Karen, Lucas's mom, Karen's cafe had been a favorite hangout for a much younger Lucas and Haley.

As she approached it slowly, Haley debated silently whether or not to enter. She didn't know if she was ready to face Lucas quite yet. Her decision was made instantly when a customer opened the door and exited, a heavenly aroma of food wafting through the air in his wake. Hurrying inside before she had time to rethink her decision, she noticed that the atmosphere had remained the same, homey and cozy, giving you the impression that this was a family place. What once would have filled her with warm, fuzzy thoughts now sickened her. She resisted the urge to gag as she made her way to the counter.

The one thing which had changed was the amount of business "Aunt Karen" (as Haley had called her) received. It seemed the place was much more crowded than the last time she had seen it just over three years ago. As she waited to be served or better yet noticed, her eyes drank in every detail of the cafe she had missed for the past several years, th unique touches Karen had added.

Suddenly, a perky voice sounded in front of her and she turned back to find a gorgeous brunette, who appeared to be about her age, speaking to her. "Hey, can I get you anything to drink?"

Raising an eyebrow, not amused, instead rather annoyed, at the cheerful nerve of this girl, she said smoothly, "Yeah, I'll take a vanilla latte."

Looking up from her notepad, the brunette suddenly noticed she had been conversing semi pleasantly with a complete stranger and said politely, "I've never seen you around here before. Are you new to Tree Hill?" she asked curiously.

Haley rolled her eyes. She had been adamant in insisting to her parents that no one would recognize her and much to her dislike, she had been 100 correct. "I've never seen you before," she mimicked the girl's perkiness. Then her demeanor changed instantly from cheery and perky to rude and bitchy as she questioned coldly, "Who the hell are you?"

A girl's laugh erupted behind her and she turned to discover a group of five teens (four guys and one girl) observing her exchange with Ms. Cheery behind the counter. As her eyes traveled over each person - the curly blonde who had laughed, two brown haired boys, then finally two guys she recognized as Lucas and Nathan - she wondered if they would know who she was. She was fairly positive they wouldn't.

She had grown up considerably since her departure. Also altering her exterior appearance were the blonde highlights illuminating her dark hair, the carefully applied makeup, the perfectly even tan she had acquired, and the more stylish, infinitely more revealing clothes.

Interrupting her current thoughts, Lucas spoke, answering Haley's previous question for the brunette, "That's Brooke. Brooke Davis."

"Oh God. Brooke Davis? Someone just shoot me now!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

The group looked at her in confusion.

"You got a name, bitch?" questioned Brooke, eyes flashing with anger.

"I've got an idea. Let's play the name game," Haley said, rolling her eyes. Pointing to her two former best friends in turn, she said, "Let me guess. Lucas, Nathan." Turning to the curly blonde, she thought for a minute and then remembered a similar blonde who had been Brooke's childhood best friend and lifted her finger, pointing it lazily at Peyton, saying exaggeratedly, "Peyton." The brown haired boy next to Peyton was the smallest of the group and looked oddly familiar. Then, Haley recognized him as Nathan's little lap dog, or as Nathan referred to him, "lackey" Tim. Turning to him, she yawned. "Tim." The last guy seemed vaguely familiar. As she sifted through all the memories of Nathan and Lucas's old friends, she remembered a kind, polite boy named Jake who had been her only friend apart from them. A smile spread across her lips as she "named" him. "Jake."  
Silence enveloped the group as they looked at one another, all thinking the same thing.

"How the #$ do you know all our names?" asked Brooke, obviously annoyed.

"Didn't you hear?" asked Haley sarcastically. "I'm psychic."

They all stared at her as though she were crazy. Surprising even herself (for she had shown no signs of enjoying herself in over a year), she laughed.

'Wait a minute,' thought Nathan. 'I would recognize that laugh anywhere.'

"Haley?" he questioned uncertainly.

She looked at him, shocked to see the recognition which had dawned in his intense ocean blue eyes. Before, she hadn't noticed, but Nathan had grown up too. 'Wow, he's actually hot,' she thought, but realized she hadn't yet answered his tentative question.

"The one and only," she responded and watched as his face broke out in a joyous smile and he pulled her into the tightest hug she had yet experienced in her short 16 years. She reacted quickly, her arms snaking around Nathan to reciprocate the hug just as forcefully. He picked her up and spun her around, barely allowing his grip around her to loosen and tightening it again once she as back on solid ground.

"I missed you so much," he whispered into her ear, the sensation of his hot breath causing her spine to tingle uncontrollably.

Lucas's voice broke through the daze both had entered while embracing each other as he said, "Nathan, come on, man. Give someone else a turn."

But Nathan refused to comply to his half brother's request, holding onto Haley with a vice like grip.

Finally, Lucas was forced to pry them apart as he brought Haley into a hug of his own. Nathan slapped him across the back of his head as he watched jealously as they embraced each other.

When Lucas finally let her go, Jake smiled and stepped forward, giving her a gentle, friendly hug.

As he stepped back to stand again next to Tim, Tim had a sudden "brilliant" (or so he likes to think) idea and held his arms out to Haley. Her radiant smile quickly vanished, leaving in its wake an irritated frown as she stepped away from him and muttered, "Perv."

Even Brooke had to laugh at the merciless teasing Tim was being subjected to.

"Why does everyone always pick on me?" he whined.

"Dude, you don't want us to answer that," Nathan smirked.

"Why not?" asked Tim, a completely bewildered look adorning his features.

Nathan just laughed and shook his head as Haley rolled her eyes and attempted to explain, "Cuz it would take too long, dumbass."

"Oh," said Tim, still looking thoroughly confused.  
Suddenly, his expression turned angry as he yelled, "Hey!" Apparently, he now understood her comment.

Peyton, who had remained silent until this point, addressed Haley, "Didn't you live here a few years ago? You were Luke's best friend, right?"

Haley nodded, not feeling it necessary to voice her affirmation.

"Oh, #$!" exclaimed Brooke. "You were that girl who came to Nate's door in the middle of our party. You were crying and I called you a loser."

Nathan visibly tensed, remembering the mistake he had made that night, glancing at Haley.

But she was glaring at Brooke, who, as she noticed this, spoke again, "Sorry about that."

Haley contemplated the apology and decided it seemed sincere enough and said, "It's alright. No hard feelings."

Hearing this, Brooke grinned and threw one arm around Haley's shoulders and the other around Peyton's. "Haley, welcome to Brookton World."

Her statement was met with a blank stare.

She rolled her eyes. "Hello! Brooke... Peyton... Duh."

Haley raised her eyebrows, saying, "Riiight."

Brooke's eyes immediately lit up. "Hey, now it can be Brooktonley World."

Peyton and Haley shared a look behind her back, rolling their eyes at her antics.

The rest of the day was spent getting Haley accustomed to life in Tree Hill. The others were confused as to why she was guarded about the last three years of her life, but didn't want to force her to talk about anything. After asking several questions and receiving vague answers in return, they dropped the subject and instead shared their own stories with her.

They seemed to be competing, seeing who could conjure up the most embarrassing story about another person undoubtedly from within the deep recesses of their minds. Jake and Peyton were easily the best at thinking of such stories and it seemed they were constantly trying to outdo one another. Brooke and Tim were at the center of most of these anecdotes which provided so much humorous entertainment for Haley.

Besides this battle of hilarity they were engaged in, the group found other activities for the day. They walked down to the Riverside Court and the girls cheered on the guys in an intense game of basketball. Much to the disappointment of Tim, Lucas and Nathan made a formidable opponent against his and Jake's pitiful team. Though they played their hearts out, Nathan and Luke effortlessly emerged the victors.

To celebrate, they walked to the nearest Ben and Jerry's for ice cream. Haley hopped on Nathan's back, resulting in Peyton on Jake's back and Brooke on Luke's. Tim was left to run from pair to pair looking like a complete idiot.

During the entire day, Nathan would spontaneously pull Haley into another hug. He couldn't restrain himself when in such close proximity with her.  
But there were no complaints on Haley's part. She enjoyed hugging Nathan as much as he enjoyed hugging her.

At the end of the day, they all went their separate ways, eagerly awaiting the next day when they could be a group again.

But that night as Haley removed her makeup and caught her smiling reflection in the mirror, she remembered her resolution from earlier that day. #$! Today, she had almost let herself return to the old Haley. Her last thought before turning out the light and drifting off to sleep was, 'It won't happen again.'


	4. Chapter 4

Hey y'all. So sorry it took me a while to update. Remember when I said it was because of my thesis? Well, good news. I have officially finished my thesis. Load of my back. Which means I will now definitely be able to update every day. I hope you guys didn't lose interest. And hope this makes up for it. If I get some replies, I might even update again tonight. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed for chapter 3. It meant so much. Gotta run. Enjoy.

Chapter 4:

"Haley, time to get up," screeched the voice of her maid Renee.

Groaning, she forced one eye open to peak at the clock, which read 10:30, before closing it again and mumbling, "Too early."

"Oh no," voiced Renee, "your parents ordered me to get you up before 11:00 this time."

"Well, it's not 11 yet, is it?" asked Haley, voice heavy with sleep.

After continuing her argument with Renee for another five minutes, she admitted defeat and trudged to her bathroom to take a shower. And so another day in the extremely complicated life of Haley James had begun. After her shower, she took a solid 20 minutes to complete her ritualistic preparations for the day (hair, makeup, getting dressed, etc.).

Jogging tiredly down the stairs and into the kitchen, she was stopped by the cook Kathy, who asked kindly, "Ms. James, would you like some breakfast?"

She gave the woman a tight lipped smile and said, "No thanks, Kathy. I'm meeting up with some friends at Karen's Cafe. I'll eat there." Though she had no intention of meeting up with anyone. In fact, she was perfectly content with the plan she had devised last night to simply avoid the entire group today.

Yesterday had been a mistake. She had let them see for a day the person she used to be. And though this had made her extremely happy, it couldn't last. She wished with all of her heart that things could continue as they had been yesterday, but New York had taught her that happiness was too good to be true. Happiness never lasted. Happiness cold only end in heartache. Happiness simply didn't exist. So, she taught herself to be strong, perhaps in a way, immune to happiness. And slowly, her heart had hardened until she believed it couldn't break. Since the day before she moved when she had cried in Nathan's arms, she hadn't allowed a single tear to fall from her eyes. Because to cry meant that she felt something. And Haley believed it better to feel nothing, to be completely numb, as opposed to feeling blissful only to have your heart torn in two. And theoretically speaking, this made perfect sense, but what Haley had yet to learn was that the things that make the most sense often provide the least clarity in the end.

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"So, what do you guys think of Haley?" Nathan asked, looking at each of his friends before launching the ball from his hands and watching as it sailed in a perfectly angled arc, swishing through the net.

"She's awesome," stated Peyton warmly. Nathan shot her a grateful smile, happy she approved of his best friend.

Then, Brooke spoke, "Yeah, I can't believe I didn't meet her before she left."

"She's something else, isn't she?" Nathan asked no one in particular.

"Yeah, she really is," Tim said from his seat on the side of the court, looking thoughtful. Surprised, Nathan grinned, thinking, 'Even Tim likes her.'

Jake grabbed Nathan's rebound and passed to Luke as he said, "Haley's her own person. She's original, but she's just as fun as the rest of us. I like that about her."  
Luke nodded as he ran the length of the court to execute a perfectly crafted layup. He had been so close to Haley for so long, it was almost as if she were a part of him. She was different, but in a good way. She was just...Haley. And nothing could ever change that... right?

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As she found herself walking the streets of Tree Hill for the second consecutive time in the past two days, she discovered that her appetite was once again non existent. It had dissolved again along with her former self. Because the new Haley hadn't needed food. Needing something, no matter how important it should prove to be to her critical health condition, showed that she was weak. And Haley James was not weak. She was far from it. Therefore, she needed no sustenance.

As she passed the many expensive mansions of her new prestigious neighborhood, she thought about the people who occupied them. Sure, each house held different people, but in essence they were all the same. All lonely and wishing for someone who would see past their many faults and love them unconditionally, this wish driving them to the deeds they were well known for. Because, in truth, many just wanted attention in some form and for most, partying, drinking, and one night stands were the only way to attain even a miniscule piece of what their hearts desired. Haley was willing to bet that over 1/2 of the people who lived in the mansions which constantly surrounded her, returned home every day only to find that the mansion they owned, envied by many, was empty.

'Everyone else looks at our fancy cars and our designer clothes and they think we have everything,' she thought bitterly. 'Then why does it feel like nothing?'

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As Haley was wandering up and down random streets, Nathan, Lucas, Brooke, Peyton, Jake and Tim all sat at the side of the court, engaging in friendly banter and planning out the rest of their weekend. As Nathan tuned out Brooke's incessant whining as she pleaded with Jake and Luke, arguing over their plans, he leaned back into the shade of the tree behind him and it dawned on him that since yesterday, he had not seen nor heard from Haley.

"Hey, guys, should we invite Haley?" he questioned the group at large, praying they would give their consent, as he sat up again.

Lucas, Brooke, Peyton, and Jake all nodded as Tim shouted, "Hell yeah!" He smiled, satisfied with their response as he tuned them out again.

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As she meandered aimlessly up one street and down another, she found herself on Nathan's old street. She stopped in front of his house and simply stood and stared at it. She could remember a particular incident that had occurred at the age of 7 one night when she had desperately wanted to talk to Nathan.

FLASHBACK

As she stepped out the front door of her house, she began to rethink her decision to walk to Nathan's house for it was 10:00 at night and extremely dark outside. She had always been frightened of darkness, and now facing it alone only made her more afraid. A cricket chirped a few feet away and she jumped, eyes widening. Hearing a rustling in the bushes which lined her yard, she restrained herself form screaming and took off, running without stopping to Nate's house.  
She arrived breathless in his perfectly manicured front lawn, stooping to grab some pebbles that lay on the ground beside the fountain, and throwing them with all the strength she could muster at his window. But his window was on the second story and Haley's tiny frame was only so strong. It was nearly impossible for her to throw the smallest of pebbles even halfway to his window, let alone complete her decidedly foolish task of attempting to wake Nathan up so she could discuss something with him.

So, abandoning the pebbles, she decided to try a different approach. She had noticed the trellis climbing up the side of the house and examined it, determining that she could indeed climb it and reach Nathan's window.

As she clambered shakily up it, she wondered why she had felt the need to come here so late, but the thought ceased to plague her as she finally approached Nate's bedroom window. Reaching over, she knocked on his window, a triumphant smile appearing on her lips. But her smile quickly faded as she lost her balance and crashed to the ground.

The commotion woke Nathan and Mr. and Mrs. Scott. Nathan threw open his window and saw Haley, yelling, "Oh my God, Haley, are you OK?" But before she could answer his question, he had bounded out of his room and down the stairs, leaping out the front door. He ran toward her, a look of panic contorting his normally flawless face as he fell to his knees beside her, bringing her head gently onto his lap and stroking her hair while whispering, "It's gonna be OK, Haley," as her whole world went black.

END FLASHBACK

Now, she couldn't begin to tell you why she had needed to speak with him so desperately, but she could still recall what he had done for her that night. His parents had called an ambulance and he had insisted that his mom follow it to the hospital. He had dashed in before her and ran straight to his dad. As soon as they would allow him back, he entered her room and refused to leave. He held her hand as they stitched up her head and stayed by her side the entire night.

They were only 7, but Nathan had done more for her in one night than most best friends did for one another in a lifetime. And it was the moments similar to those that proved his undying loyalty to her and renewed her faith in their friendship.

But now, as she turned from the house and continued her walk. she wasn't sure if their friendship could exist anymore.

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"Hey, guys, did anyone think to ask Haley what her phone number is?" questioned Luke, doubting their ability to reach her. Everyone looked around at each other, each thinking someone else had asked her.

"What about where she lives?" Again, his inquiry was met with silence as they realized they had no way to contact Haley and there was a possibility they wouldn't see her again for quite some time. Granted, she would most likely be attending Tree Hill High, but her parents might have decided to enroll her at Tree Hill's own private school.

"We'll find her," Brooke voiced confidently, seemingly the only one who believed her reassurance as the rest of the group began to argue over whose fault it was.

"Guys, shut up," Luke said. When they only continued their squabble, he yelled, "Everyone just shut up!"

One by one, they fell silent, gazing at Luke, Jake, the dependable peace maker, grateful for the interruption as Lucas continued, "It was no one's fault." He glanced at Nathan only to find him staring at something over his shoulder. Ignoring this, he exclaimed, "I mean, God! What are you? A bunch of five year olds?"

Jake nudged him and pointed to Nathan who Luke now noticed was slowly walking past him. Then, quite suddenly, he broke into a jog and made his way toward Haley who was walking past the court, calling out, "Haley, wait up!"

'Oh . Why must you curse me, God?' she thought as she stopped mid stride and waited for Nathan to catch up, turning to him as he approached her and hugged her tightly. She didn't return the gesture.

Confused, but not wanting to make it into a big deal, he smiled and began, "So, me and the gang were wondering if you wanted to hang with us this weekend."

She hesitated, seeing the hopeful look in his eyes, but she knew what she had to do. "Nathan, I can't," she whispered.

"Come on, Haley," but she cut him off.

"Uh, Nathan, look. I don't think we can be friends anymore."

She tried to keep herself from feeling anything as his eyes turned sad and he frowned, asking, "What? Why not, Haley?"

She swallowed. "Because, I'm not the girl I was when I was 13. I learned a lot in New York. I grew up, Nathan, and I changed. Yesterday was fun, but it's not who I am anymore. And it's not who I want to be."

"I don't believe you. You're still Haley. You're my Haley." He could barely keep himself from shouting.

"No, I'm not. And it's not fair to you if I ask you to accept the person I am now just because we used to be best friends. Because believe me when I tell you, you're not going to like her." She could feel the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over as she watched his face fall, but she quickly blinked them back.

"I don't know what this is all about, Haley, but deep down, I know you know you're still the same person. You'll never really change. And maybe I'm not your friend anymore, but you're still my best friend. And you might not like it, but it's gonna stay that way."

"I'm sorry, Nathan," she whispered as she turned and walked away.

He stood, stunned, watching watching her practically run from him, and for the first time, realized that she had changed. His Haley was gone.

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That night, as she sat on the wooden bench at the Riverside Court, gazing out at the black night sky, lit with millions of twinkling stars and illuminated by the nearly full moon, footsteps could be heard coming nearer until finally, someone approached the bench and sat next to her. She didn't have to turn to know who it was. After a few seconds of silence, she asked quietly, "Do you ever wonder if it's all worth it in the end?"

He turned to look at her, thinking of how much she had changed and asked, "What do you mean?"

She sighed. "Heaven, Nathan. Do you really think it's worth all the we go through every day?"

He contemplated his answer, unsure of what to say to her, then finally muttered, "I think that it doesn't matter as long as you find something that makes you happy."

"And what if you can't?" she questioned.

"Well, then none of it means anything," he whispered, knowing it wasn't the answer she wanted to hear, but the one she needed to.

Silence enveloped them a they sat, looking up at a shooting star, knowing their problems were far from resolved. Instead they would return each day with the rising sun, bringing with them an unforeseen amount of conflict.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Thanks for the reviews!

Chapter 5:

She wasn't sure if Nathan had understood before that she was intentionally ending their friendship, but she was almost certain he did now. How could he not? She had left nothing which could be perceived as negotiable, no margin for uncertainty.

As they sat on the bench that night after their meaningful conversation, lost in what could only be adequately described as deep and profound thought, something inside Haley had snapped. Though unsure of the exact reason for her sudden rage, she had become angry with Nathan. Perhaps it was because of his inability to comprehend all she had told him or because of his persistent pursuit of the friendship they once had. Or perhaps it was because what he had said earlier, unbeknownst to him, was the truth. She hadn't completely lost the old Haley. She had simply hidden her underneath the new one. For the old Haley was vulnerable and therefore weak and bound to be more easily subjected to tormenting pain, a feeling she wasn't particularly fond of becoming accustomed to. But, whatever the reason, her temper flared dangerously and, unjust though it might have been, she took it out on Nathan.

She cringed and shuddered violently at the memory.

FLASHBACK

"Dammit, Nathan!" she screamed, jumping hastily from her perch next to him on the worn bench to stand in front of him before continuing. "Why can't you just let it go!"

"Let what go?" he asked quietly, looking hurt and slightly confused.

"Us. Our friendship," she gestured wildly, her hand flapping frantically back and forth between them.

He shrugged, gazing into the darkness past her shoulder. "I just can't."

"And why the hell not!" she shouted, stamping her foot angrily, albeit childishly, on the ground.

"It's not that easy for me, Haley," he said, his voice surprisingly smooth and calm.

"But why?" Her voice was low and anguished, almost broken, as it became increasingly difficult for her to resist his appealing offer of undying friendship. But she continually tried to convince herself that she didn't need it.

He sighed. "Haley, when we were little, we were best friends. Ever since we were what, like three? And being your friend was one of the most important things in my life. You were different from everyone else, but in a good way. And people loved you for it. You were just... Haley."

"So?" she challenged, her voice harsh as her resolve returned with an indefinable vengeance.  
He looked at her incredulously, saying, "So, I can't just let go of something like that so easily."

"Yes you can!" she exclaimed, expression indignant.

He narrowed his eyes at her, searching for any sign of his childhood best friend. "Maybe you can, but I can't," he murmured, rubbing tiredly at his eyes.

She looked away from him, trying desperately to regain control of her temper, striving to remain calm. When she had achieved this and turned to him again, she said calmly, "You have to. You don't have another choice."

He looked at her questioningly, still doubting her decision.

She took a deep breath. "Look, I'm doing this for you. You don't understand. I got into a lot of trouble in New York. And somewhere along the lines, I lost myself."

He just looked at her for a moment, comprehending everything she had just told him, then stood up before her, hesitantly entwining their hands. As his gaze shifted from their locked hands to her eyes, he whispered, "Then let me help you find her."

Shaking her head, she waited a few seconds until she had regained her composure and retorted sadly, "She's too far gone." She dropped his hand and sat heavily upon the bench once more.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted him. "No, Nathan. We're not friends. That's it."

With one last pleading glance at Haley, he knew it was over and hung his head in defeated shame, walking slowly to his car. Seconds later, she heard his engine start and fade away. And once again, she was left in silent solitude. Completely alone.

END FLASHBACK

Several hours later, as she lay in bed, waiting for sleep to overtake her, she thought about Nathan's eyes. They had always been a distinguishable, intense blue, but when she had "unfriended" him as she phrased it, they had changed with such rapidity, it had almost frightened her. In all the years she had known him, he had never before shown exterior signs of sorrow. But earlier that very night, as she initiated the end of their friendship and an unmistakable air of finality overtook them, she had seen the loss she forced upon him, the pain she caused him, and how truly sad she had made him. All of this she could see in his eyes, which normally vibrant, had dulled and suddenly seemed almost lifeless.

She had never meant to hurt him, but she knew that she had done the right thing. She had lessened his suffering, or how great it could have been had they remained friends. It would only cause him more pain to know he had a friend such as her when he discovered, or rather witnessed, for himself who she had become in the three years of her troubled life which she had spent so far from home.  
For the first time in quite awhile, Haley James, unable to keep her emotions hidden any longer, cried herself to sleep.

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The next morning brought with it the peaceful beauty that only a day in late spring could provide. Birds chirped gaily in the fragrantly blossoming trees, the temperature was coolly inviting, and the sun shone gently on all of Tree Hill. But one particular occupant of this small, quaint town refused to appreciate its serenity. Haley sat stubbornly on the large couch in her even larger house as her personal maid Renee attempted to persuade her to "get out and do something" as her parents had informed her they firmly believed she needed to. Rolling her eyes, she growled, "For the last time! I don't feel like going anywhere."

Frustrated, Renee called for the cook, Kathy, who rushed into the room, looking expectantly at her. Rolling her eyes at Kathy's eager obedience, Haley listened as Renee asked her for advice.

Timidly, Kathy responded, "Well, there's this little restaurant called Karen's Café you could take her to. She could get breakfast there and I''m pretty sure it's a local hangout for kids her age."

"That's a brilliant idea!" exclaimed Renee, dismissing Kathy with a wave of her hand.

Haley glared menacingly at Kathy, who, looking terrified, scurried back to the kitchen.

Once Haley was showered and dressed, Renee ordered Charles, the chauffeur to escort her to Karen's Café. The ride over was completely silent, Haley dreading the possibility of seeing Nathan, Luke, Jake, Brooke, Peyton, or even Tim there. The estimated 10 minute journey seemed to last much less and they were soon pulling up to the café.

Her thoughts were full of contempt and malice directed at Charles for complying with Renee's demands and driving her to this hellhole. "I could've driven myself you know," she said icily, opening the passenger door.

"No. Ms. Renee says you would have gone somewhere else if I let you drive," he countered.

Rolling her eyes, she climbed out of the car and slammed the door. Resentment overwhelming her, she mumbled, "Bastard," and gave him the finger. Spinning on her heel to face the café, she found Nathan, looking disappointed, apparently having heard the entire exchange. Shaking his head, he turned and entered the café. Knowing Charles was behind her, she sighed and followed after him.

Much to her dismay, Haley found that the café was quite crowded on Sunday mornings and that as a result of this, all of the tables were filled leaving the only space unoccupied a few stools at the counter next to the group of teenagers, who, yesterday appeared her friends, but whom she had now detached herself from. Glancing to the window at the front, she saw Charles outside, undoubtedly making sure she wouldn't leave. Sighing, she meandered slowly up to the counter, taking as many detours as possible to prolong the moment when they would realize her presence.

"Haley!" a motherly voice cooed from behind her and the group fell silent and turned to stare at her as they heard her name. The owner of the kind voice revealed herself to be Karen, Lucas's mom and proud owner of the café they were currently in. She immediately reached out and hugged Haley tightly. Feeling a certain obligation to return the friendly gesture, Haley stiffly lifted her arms to encircle the woman who had been the mother figure in her life before her family's unexpected move.

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"Unbelievable," scoffed Nathan, watching Haley hug Karen warmly. "She hugs your mom, but she won't even touch me," he continued, directing this comment at Luke.

Luke clapped his hand onto Nathan's shoulder and, thinking he was providing solace, said, "Dude, don't worry. Haley always loved my mom more than you." His hand slid from Nathan's shoulder as he received a deathly glare in response to his empty words of comfort.

Brooke, also feeling the need to reassure her friend, spoke up. "I'm sure she'll come around, Nate."

He shook his head, throat constricting painfully as he responded, "I'm not so sure."

Peyton and Jake exchanged uncomfortable looks, neither sure of how to best comfort their friend.

Tim looked back and forth between Nathan and Haley, obviously bewildered as he asked, "What are you guys talking about?"

Peyton and Brooke, situated on either side of him, slapped his head simultaneously.

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When Karen's initial shock at seeing Haley had faded considerably, she asked,"So, how was New York?"

Shifting from foot to foot nervously, Haley mumbled, "It was great."

She thought she heard Nathan say, "Liar," but as she glanced at him, he covered his words expertly with a surprisingly realistic cough.

"Good to know," Karen smiled. "I was wondering when we'd see you again. How long are you visiting for?" she asked.

Haley frowned, saying, "We moved back. Lucas didn't tell you?"  
Karen frowned also. "No, must have slipped his mind." The two stood in puzzled silence for a few moments before Karen politely offered her the stool next to Nathan. Noticing Haley's hesitance, she laughed. "How many times do I have to tell you, Haley? He doesn't bite."

Forcing a smile which she could only assume appeared genuine, Haley slid slowly into the empty seat. As she ordered, she could intuitively feel six pairs of eyes on her. But still, no one spoke.

As Karen busied herself with other customers, she observed the entire group's interaction. Or rather, lack of. Curious by nature, she resisted the rather impulsive urge to interfere, or "meddle" as Luke and Keith liked to call it. But her motherly instincts overpowered her weak restraint and she decided to take matters into her own hands. Approaching them cautiously, she decided to straightforward. "So, you kids are awfully quiet, today. Mind telling me why?" she started. They all looked around at each other, not quite knowing how to broach the subject. Sighing, Karen continued, "Brooke, Peyton. Either of you girls care to explain?" They turned to each other uneasily and Brooke shook her head. "Tim, Jake?" Karen turned to them. When they remained silent, she questioned, "Lucas or Nathan? You boys want to explain this to me?"

"No, ma'am," Nathan mumbled.

Irritated, Karen turned finally to Haley. "Haley?" Looking down at her hands, she shook her head. Pursing her lips, Karen began, "Fine-," but she was interrupted by Nathan.

"She doesn't want to be friends with us Ms. Scott," he stated coldly. "Isn't that right, Haley?" he raised his voice slightly, obviously angry with her.

Karen looked at her, surprised, as she shook her head again, cleared her throat softly, and whispered, "That's not what I said."

"Well, then maybe you can explain it to me again, Haley. Why you can't be our friend?"

She just bit her lip and continued to shake her head, never looking up from her hands.

By now, most people had left the café, leaving a few scattered customers left. Karen, never taking her eyes off Haley's face said calmly, "Brooke, will you please take over for me? Haley and I need to have a little chat."

Nodding, Brooke grabbed and apron and a notepad as Karen led Haley to the kitchen in the back of the building. "Start talking," she ordered as they both took seats at the table in the center of the room.

Beginning slowly, Haley started, speaking falteringly, her voice growing stronger with each sentence uttered. "When we moved to New York, it was really hard for me to leave my life in Tree Hill behind. Particularly you, Lucas, and Nathan. I was so homesick. On top of that, I wasn't accepted very easily there. Everyone else was so much more experienced than me and no one was as kind as me. So, naturally, I was an outcast. I did''t want to change, but I couldn't help it. It was the only way to gain any friends. The fact that my parents were never around only made it worse. So, as I slowly became depressed, I started to mix with the wrong kind of people. I lost my virginity and started drinking. I even did drugs just to fit in and to try and make me feel better." Here, she stopped for a moment, regaining control of her thoughts before continuing. "So, I started convincing myself to be stronger. I kept telling myself I didn't need anyone. And eventually, I started believing it. I don't ever cry because I think it makes me weak. I don't help people because then, who would look out for me? I do''t believe in happiness or having real friends. I don't love people because it could only end with me getting hurt. So, as you can see, I'm a completely different person. And no matter how much I want to, I can't let anyone in. I'd only get my heart broken. And I think it's better to just go through the pain of always being alone and unhappy than to be happy only to get torn down."

By this time, Karen had tears in her eyes, wondering how anyone could have such mixed up ideals. She couldn't understand how Haley would be under the impression that she shouldn't love anyone. "So, that's why you can't be friends with my son and his step brother?" she whispered, not trusting her voice to hold steady.

Taking a breath, Haley voiced, "Well, partly. But also, I don't want them to stay friends with me only to find out how horrible a person I am now. That would be unfair to them. Especially since I know they're going to hate the person I've become. Everyone else does."

"Oh, honey," Karen sobbed, bringing her into a warm hug.

Barely able to keep in her own tears, she allowed Karen to rock her back and forth. She thought of everything that had happened and fought back the tears she felt welling up. But her attempts proved futile as she broke down and cried. She wept for all the mistakes she'd made, for the person she used to be, for the pain she'd caused her closest friends, and for the parents who were practically nonexistent in her life, promising herself that she would never cry again after this rare incident and the one the previous night.

Angry with herself for displaying her weakness, she mentally berated her actions. 'Stupid Haley,' she thought. 'These people don't care about you. They're only pretending to. And remember what happened last time you trusted someone?' She did remember.

The last person who had gained her trust was Jack. And look what he had done to her. He took her virginity and with it her innocence. And he had gotten her involved in drinking, partying, and drugs. 'But these people are different,' she argued with herself. 'They would never do that to you.'

She silently cursed Jack, thinking, 'Yeah. That's what you said last time.' Reluctantly, she distanced herself from Karen, jerking from her comforting arms and putting a few feet between them. "I'm sorry," she whispered, standing and slowly walking to the door.

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Nathan, Lucas, Peyton, Brooke, Jake, and Tim were the only ones left in the café. It was Jake who broke the silence. "Wonder what they're talking about in there."

"Who knows?" Lucas asked.

"Maybe they're not talking. If you know what I mean," Tim raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Peyton rolled her eyes. "And you always ask us why you don't have a girlfriend."

"I have a girlfriend," Tim squeaked, widening his eyes at Peyton, apparently thinking his single status was a big secret.

"Yeah, maybe in your dreams," she scoffed.

Their playful banter was interrupted by the click of an opening door. Haley emerged first, followed by Karen. It was obvious to the group both had been crying as they took in their tear stained faces and red, watery eyes.

Nathan, forgetting Haley was no longer his friend, felt a wave of concern for her and immediately rushed to her, moving to grab her to him.

But she stepped back, whispering, "I'm fine," before bolting to the front door and disappearing through it.

Nathan turned expectantly to Karen. "So, what did you guys talk about?"

She just shook her head, saying, "That's confidential. But, I can tell you, don't take any of this personally. She's just mixed up."

He nodded, deeply disappointed, as he turned to leave.

"Nathan," Karen managed to get out between sobs. He stopped and she continued, "Just... don't give up on her. That's the last thing she needs right now."

Nodding, he stepped through the door out into the warm, spring air. He desperately needed some time to think.

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That evening, Haley was laying on her bed, staring blankly at the wall. The staff had gone home for the day which meant no more Renee, Kathy, Charles, or any of the other pesky people hired by her parents for the next 16 hours or so. But though this bought her satisfaction, she felt no joy. For, the New York Haley had returned as she had known it would.

Her musings were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Jumping hastily from her bed, she raced downstairs and threw the front door open to reveal Nathan, hand poised, about to knock. His hand dropped to his side as he stared at her. Moving aside, she let him step inside and shut the door behind him. Silently, she led him to the living room where they both sat on the couch.

He turned to her and said, "Look, Haley. I know you said we can't be friends, but I'm not just gonna give up on you. I don't know what happened to you in New York and I don't know who you are now, but I'm hoping that you'll realize the old Haley was so much better. And I'm also hoping you'll give our friendship another chance." His words lingered between them as silence engulfed them once again.

Then, quite suddenly, with no forewarning whatsoever, surprising both Nathan and Haley, she leaned toward him, inching closer, and kissed him.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	6. Chapter 6

Well, since I took so long to update and left you with a cliffy, I decided to update again. Enjoy!

Chapter 6:

Shocked into immobility, Nathan sat perfectly still, afraid that should he move, this would all prove to be an illusion, a pleasurable dream, a forbidden fantasy. He had always loved Haley, but it wasn't until she left that he realized his love for her ran much deeper than the sentimental affection for a best friend. He was in love with her. Or rather with who she used to be. But he couldn't deny how right it felt to be kissing her. As these thoughts took precedence over all others in his mind, he realized that he had yet to reciprocate her abrupt kiss.

Disappointed that Nathan had remained still from his place on the couch, she slowly tore herself away from him. Only to have him pull her to him and place his lips back on hers. As his tongue slid over her bottom lip, she shifted and forced all her weight onto him, pushing him back so she could lay on top of him. They slid their tongues together over and over, both in sheer bliss as they let the sensation of kissing each other wash over them. Haley's hands traveled up and down over Nathan's arms, feeling his biceps as he gripped her hips tightly. He carefully flipped them over, wanting to be in control, and moved from her lips to her neck. Trailing kisses up and down her jaw line, his hand slipped unbidden beneath her shirt, rubbing the smooth skin of her stomach. She moaned, wrapping her leg around his and tucking her foot between his legs.

A buzzing sound filled the air, but Haley and Nathan chose to ignore it. But it only continued as the seconds passed. Slowly pulling apart, they stared into each other's eyes, breathing erratic. The buzzing came from Nathan's cell phone. More than a little upset, he slowly eased off of her and they both sat up as he whipped out his phone and breathed into it, "Hello."

"Nate?" came Luke's voice. "You sound out of breath. Everything ok?"

"Uh... Yeah," Nathan stuttered.

"Well, the gang and me are at your house. I thought we had plans. Where are you?" he asked, sounding slightly irritated at Nathan's absence.

"Oh, right, sorry man. I'm at Haley's."

"She blow you off again?" Luke sounded knowing.

Nathan glanced at Haley, who was gazing at a spot on the wall, and debated whether or not to tell Lucas the truth. He didn't particularly feel like explaining himself to anyone, so he opted to lie. "Um... yeah. Somethin like that," he managed to choke out.

"Alright, we'll come get you," Luke said.

"But-," Nathan started, but the dial tone sounded in his ear. Slamming his phone shut angrily and turning to Haley, he began, "I'm really sorry-,"

But as was often the case, he was interrupted. "Don't worry about it. See you around."  
He smiled lovingly at her and leaned over to give her a goodbye kiss, but instead his lips met only air as his eyes shot open to see her retreating back entering the kitchen. Shaking his head, he thought, 'I should've known,' and standing slowly, jogged to the front door, and, peaking behind him one last time to affirm that she wasn't going to stop him from leaving, he whisked through the door, sinking onto the front steps to wait for Luke.

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As she heard the front door shut, Haley slid down the counter to sit on the tile floor, burying her head in her hands. 'God, what have I done?' she thought to herself, regretting her actions toward Nathan. Though kissing him had been a delightfully wonderful experience, she was afraid of how happy he made her feel. She preferred everything to be devoid of emotion and empty of pain. Therefore, she could have no further interaction with Nathan. It would mean risking the facade she had so painstakingly built up over the course of three years. And that was one thing she was unwilling to lose. Even if it meant losing Nathan.

At least, that's what she kept having to remind herself of.

But the truth, whether Haley chose to accept it or not, was that she was in love with Nathan. Since the moment he entered her life, he had intrigued her. He was an enigma which she was determined to solve. He didn't let people in easily and she had wanted to know why. Slowly, she earned his trust, his respect, and his affection. He had let her see past the bulls hit he gave everyone else and she had come to find that in actuality, he was a really amazing guy. But he only allowed those closest to him to see it. And she wished he would show that side of him more often. But for some reason she had yet to comprehend, he wanted everyone to believe he was a heartless jacka ss. And to most people, he was. But to Haley, he was the sweet and most caring guy who never ceased to worry about her. And that's when Haley realized that it was too late to protect her heart. She had fallen in love with Nathan Scott. But this is where her perspective views varied.

She had several options to consider. She could try out a relationship with Nathan. But what would happen if he hurt her? Or if she hurt him? And would he think less of her now that she had changed? Thus far, he was oblivious to just how different she really was. Would he still desire to be with her when he found out?

Her other option was to have no contact with him. This option would provide a security blanket, protecting her from the pain that would inevitably be her's when she and Nathan chose to end it. But what if they never chose to end it? What if it lasted indefinitely and they got the fairytale ending the majority of the human race could only dream of? But was that a chance she was willing to take? Obviously, the easiest choice would be the second one, but which was the right choice?

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At Nathan's house, the gang was sprawled out around his living room. Lucas and Brooke lay together on one of the couches, Brooke in front of Luke, his arms around her. Jake was one the couch opposite them, feet propped on the coffee table in front of him, arm draped around Peyton sitting next to him. Tim sat in the middle of the floor, not knowing where else to sit. Nathan slumped dejectedly in an easy chair, slightly apart from the others, but still facing them. "Come on, Nate. What happened?" Luke asked for the umpteenth time since he had picked Nathan up from Haley's.

Nathan sighed and looked away, knowing that he wouldn't be able to keep this from them. Finally he quietly relayed the recent events. "She kissed me."

His friends were stunned, none knowing what to make of this latest piece of information. Jake, as though awaking from a trance, asked, "And?"

Nathan swallowed. "And I kissed her back."

"Alright!" cheered Tim, clearly more excited than even Nathan at the unexpected turn of events. Luke broke out into a grin, genuinely happy for his brother. He had seen how Nate looked at Haley and had been waiting for this to happen for quite some time. Jake and Brooke were also smiling.

Only Peyton seemed to notice Nathan's uncharacteristic lack of enthusiasm as she questioned, "What's wrong?"

He chuckled hollowly and shook his head before responding, "And then she blew me off again."

No one spoke. No one moved. No one dared to so much as breathe for fear it would upset Nathan. Slowly, he stood up and walked into his room, closing the door quietly behind him and locking it. One by one, Brooke, Peyton, Jake, and Tim left until only Luke remained, still laying on the couch. Finally, he stood and left the house, looking back at it once more before driving away.

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It was 11:00 on a Sunday night, the night before Haley's first day at Tree Hill High, and she sat, curled up on the window seat, gazing once again at the night sky. She had decided to wait for a sign, which if received, would greatly encourage a relationship with Nathan. She glanced at the clock: 11:18. Sighing, she prepared for bed and slipped under the covers, looking once more out the window. Nothing. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

At that moment, mere miles away, Nathan sat in a chair by his bedroom window, searching the sky. As a shooting star blazed across the dark night sky, feeling foolish, but nevertheless willing to try it, he closed his eyes and made a wish.

He wished that he could help Haley, even if in a small way, find herself again. He wanted nothing more than to have the old Haley back. As he climbed into his bed and felt his eyelids getting heavier, he resolved to never give up on her.

While Haley had missed her sign, Nathan had found his, making for an interesting day to come.

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At 7:30 the next morning, the shrill ring of an alarm clock shattered the peaceful silence of the James house. Groaning tiredly, Haley rolled over in bed to glare at the clock. As Renee waltzed cheerily into the room, she buried her face in one of the many feathery pillows adorning her king sized bed, screaming into it.

Smiling, Renee ripped the curtains open, allowing sunlight to stream in through the window as she said, "Morning, Ms. James. Time to get up or you'll be late for school."

Slowly lifting her head from the pillow, Haley turned to Renee, smiling and saying sweetly, "Tell you what. I'll go to school when my parents finally decide to fire your dirt poor, bitchy ass. Kay?" Then, she allowed her head to drop back on her pillow, desperately trying to fight consciousness and seeking the deep, content slumber she had been so rudely torn from.

Ten minutes later, she found herself in the shower, grumbling irritatingly about Rene''s abusive methods of getting her up. Slamming the lever off, stopping the steady flow of scalding hot water, she stepped out of the shower, wrapping a terrycloth robe around her soaking form.

Approximately 45 minutes later, her hair was blow dried and straightened, her makeup applied, and she was dressed in a black pleated mini skirt, a tight pink halter revealing a sliver of tan stomach, and her chunky, black flip flops. Trudging downstairs, she was informed that she did't have time for breakfast. "Perfect," she muttered under her breath, grabbing her purse and keys and dashing out the door.

Slowing down, she noticed a gorgeous boy about her age exiting the house next door. As a car of rowdy teens pulled up in his driveway, he looked over and suddenly noticed her. Smirking, he raised his hand, acknowledging her. She winked at him and unlocked her red mustang, getting in slowly, allowing him to check her out.

Without giving him a second glance, she pulled out of her driveway and stepped on the accelerator, speeding down the road. In her rearview mirror, she watched him hop in the car. He was hot and obviously rich. Definitely doable. She smirked. Maybe coming back wasn't such a bad idea after all.

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As Haley pulled into the nearest parking space, the car from next door appeared in the spot next to her. Acting as though she hadn't seen it, she climbed gracefully out of her car, locking it and making her way toward the school.

"Hey!" she heard him call out behind her.

'Always works,' she thought smugly, stopping to wait for him, but not turning around. She didn't want to appear eager or desperate as the old Haley would have. Guys like him never pursued people like that.

He jogged to her then matched her pace, smiling charmingly down at her and saying casually, "So, I guess you're my new neighbor."

She quirked a perfectly plucked eyebrow at him. "Guess so." This guy was a little dense. 'Way to state the obvious,' she thought. She gave him her best sexy smile and he grinned back, smoothly slipping his arm around her waist. 'Well, this guy doesn't waste time,' she thought. 'Excellent.'

"Where'd you move from?" he asked.

"New York," she answered smugly as he looked at her clearly impressed.

"Wow, a city girl. The best kind," he smirked at her.

"I like to think so," she responded, smirking back at him.

He just laughed, thinking, 'Man, I love this girl. She'll have to sleep over sometime.'

"Walk me to class," she said. It was more a demand than a request.

'Feisty. I like,' he thought.

As they walked into school, Haley learned his name as hordes of people greeted him. "Hey, Mike," some guy slapped his hand.

"Mike, huh?" she raised an eyebrow. "I guess it'll do."

He chuckled. "Well, may I ask what your name is?"

"You can ask, but you might not get an answer," she retorted.

"Ouch, that hurts," he teased, holding his free hand to his heart.

"Good," she smiled mischievously.

Reaching her class, they stopped as he asked, "So, do I get a name?"

"Maybe later," she smirked. She loved messing with guys like this. What was the harm in having a little fun?  
"Alright. Well, see you later neighbor," he smiled, releasing her.

"Later," she winked, then entered the classroom, hips swaying provocatively.

A pretty brunette approached her, smiling tightly and asking, "Was that Mike you were walking with?"

"Why do you care?" Haley shot back, then, "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two dating?" Then her tone changed abruptly as she stated icily, "Well, it's obvious he's not too attached."

Fuming, the girl stalked off, taking a seat in the back as a gorgeous blonde haired girl appeared in front of Haley, smiling and saying, "Sorry about her. That's Theresa. She's a real bitch when it comes to Mike and other girls. She's like in love with him, but he's not interested."

"And you are?" Haley questioned her.

She smiled again, introducing herself as Kristen.

Haley examined her critically form head to toe, taking in her sexy designer clothes and perfectly made up face, deciding she was worth her time. Smiling back, she said, "I'm Haley."

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By lunch, the entire population of Tree Hill High, a horde of your typical over-dramatic hormone driven teenage high school students, knew of the infamous Haley James. Few knew of her nice side; all knew of her bitchy side. It still remained a mystery how exactly you became her friend. Many had tried. Few had succeeded. Guys wanted to screw her; girls wanted to be her. It was the life she had gown accustomed to and which she had come to learn was the most enjoyable while simultaneously painless.

It was noon on a Monday morning at THH and Haley James now dominated the gossip topics. She was the center of more than a few conversations. She was the tough bitch from New York, but she was also hot, sexy, and graceful. Her entire personality was one big contradiction, but she liked it that way. It seemed she was above even the elite-est of the elite in the complex group that was, in essence, the school's hierarchy.

She strode confidently into the cafeteria, scanning the various tables for a familiar face. She locked eyes with Nathan and though she tried, couldn't read their expression. Tearing her gaze from his, she saw a vending machine on the opposite side of the fairly large room. Judging by the rather unpleasant aroma coming from the serving line, she quickly deduced junk food would be much safer. Also, according to her hasty calculations, the food served in the far corner was only slightly less expensive than that in the vending machine.

Making her way to the machine, she examined the various types of junk food and bought herself some Doritos and a Pepsi. She heard someone approach her from behind as she bent to retrieve her hardly nutritious lunch, but didn't realize who it was until he said, "Hey neighbor."  
Smiling, she turned to face him, not bothering to offer any sort of greeting in return as she spotted Kristen with three other girls (Rhonda, Katie, and Jen) waving her over. Pushing past him, she sauntered over to their table, taking a seat as she listened to Kristen chatter incessantly in her ear.

Rhonda nudged her and tilted her head back, indicating for Haley to look behind her. Looking quizzical, she turned to find Mike standing there. She rolled her eyes at Kristen, a clear sign of her annoyance, though Mike seemed not to notice as he pulled out the chair beside her and, sinking into it, asked, "So, are you ever gonna tell me your name?"

"Are you ever gonna leave me alone?" she questioned, in obvious mockery of his question.

"If you tell me your name," he persisted.

She scowled at him.

He raised his eyebrows. "Guess that's my answer."

"Wow, you catch on fast," came her sarcastic reply.

Deciding to overlook her pointed remark, he spoke again. "So, listen. I have basketball practice til 4:30, but I was wondering if you would wait and drive me home."

Rolling her eyes, she retorted, "Right, cause I have nothing better to do."

"Great, I'll meet you out front after practice.

"But-," she began.

"Thanks," he said, standing and rushing off.

She sighed, her head falling into her hands. Then, Kristen began talking again, this time about Mike. "Haley, he's a senior. And he's gorgeous, not to mention sexy. Do you know how many girls would kill to have him look at them? And now, he's chasing after you. Use this to your advantage."

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The boys on the basketball team loitered in the locker room, some on benches, some standing at their lockers. Lucas, Nathan, Jake, Tim, and Mike were grouped in a corner of the room, joking around and laughing when Mike decided to bring up his new neighbor.

"Hey, guys, I got a new neighbor. It's a chick about our age. Well, your age. I think she's a junior." (A/N- Mike''s the only senior in the group. The others are all juniors.)  
"Is she hot?" Tim asked eagerly.

"Oh yeah," Mike smirked, then got a brilliant idea. "Hey, you guys should meet her. Why don't you come over around 5:00 and I'll make sure she comes over."

They all agreed as Jake questioned curiously, "What's her name?"

Shifting on his feet nervously, Mike muttered, "She hasn't told me yet."

Nathan smirked. "Having a little trouble, Mikey?"

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Haley sat in the library, reflecting on the day's events, including her new acquaintance Mike. Casual sex was always the best with guys like him. The all had this policy that stated your emotions couldn't get involved. That way, at least she wouldn't get hurt. The only problem with this was your emotions couldn't be involved, ironic though it was. Because truthfully, sex was meaningless without emotions. It was always more amazing with someone you loved. And she certainly didn't love Mike. But, she would f uck him just the same. Because casual sex was better than no sex. Or so she thought.

As she contemplated this issue, Brooke approached her table and sat beside her. "Hey, Haley," she whispered.

"Hi," replied Haley, refusing to meet her eyes.

"I was hoping we could talk," Brooke bit her lip, anxiously waiting for Haley's permission to continue.

She simply nodded.

Relieved, Brooke continued.

"Alright. Ok, let me just start by saying that I know we didn't exactly get along when we were younger, but I still know a lot about you. And you want to know why? Nathan. He was always talking about you. And I mean like nonstop. He talked about your smile and your laugh and you amazing sense of humor. He always used to say, 'You have to meet her someday. She's the best.' He wouldn't shut up about how good of a person you were. How you never got angry at anyone and how you were always helping people and how you were never at all selfish. Now, I don't know what happened to you in New York, but whatever it was, I'm really sorry it did. I know you didn't deserve it. But don't do this to Nathan. He really cares about you and he doesn't deserve what you're putting him through."

Before Haley had a chance to defend herself, Brooke was gone. Leaving Haley to her thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, Brooke was right. But was she really prepared to rehash her past to Nathan and possibly have him reject her friendship? Honestly, she didn't know.  
The choice she would eventually be forced to make loomed ahead in a foreboding manner. Should she accept Nathan's friendship or ignore him indefinitely as she had originally planned? She would have to choose between the two sooner or later. She could only hope the time would come later rather than in the recent future.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey! Thanks for the reviews. Keep em coming and I'll keep updating so often. Enjoy this one.

Chapter 7:

After Brooke left, Haley began thinking about the inevitable. And the inevitable was something she was completely unprepared for. So to speak, she was stuck between a rock and a hard place and neither choice seemed to be appealing. In prospect, it seemed so simple: Nathan or no Nathan, but in actuality, it was so much more complex. She could choose to never attain what seemed to come so easily to most such as happiness, love, and friendship or she could separate herself from everything good in this cold world and therefore protect her heart, already broken too may times by those things which are not tangible and cannot be seen, but which often deal the cruelest blows. The things that cannot be heard, but that sometimes prove to be more dangerous than those which can.

Anger, fear, hate, resentment, loneliness, broken promises, shattered dreams, dying hope, utter despair, and lastly emptiness. These had taken up residence in her heart as well as her soul and she was drained and tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally, she was exhausted. But she had a decision to make, the outcome of which could be of the utmost significance. Confused and torn, not sure how exactly she had come to be in this predicament, she didn't notice Mike's bulky shadow as he approached her. She didn't realize, much less acknowledge his presence until he placed his hands on her shoulders, standing behind her. Jumping slightly, she relaxed as she saw who it was, and, gathering her things, stood to face him.

Smiling, he asked, "Ready to take me home?"

She smiled back. "I guess."

"Good." His arm slid around her waist as he tucked his hand into her pocket.

Smirking, she led him to her car and, as he opened the door for her, kissed his cheek and slowly climbed into the driver's seat.

Smiling again, he jogged around the car and got in the other side. "So, how was your first day?" he asked casually, allowing his hand to trail lightly up and down her thigh.

"Pretty good, I guess. You guys aren't used to city girls around here, are you?" she questioned, glancing at him and flashing a sexy smile.

"Not ones like you," he responded.

"I hope that's a good thing," she retorted as his hand inched over her silky leg.

"A very good thing," he assured smoothly.

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Practice, both for the cheerleaders and basketball players, had ended 30 minutes before, but Peyton, Brooke, Lucas, and Jake still lingered in the gym as Peyton addressed Brooke, "So, why were you late to practice?"

Brooke stared down at the shiny gym floor and cleared her throat, "Well, you know, I kind of needed to... talk," she coughed, "... to Haley."

Peyton raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "About?"

"Oh, nothing important," Brooke waved her hand through the air, indicating the subject was dismissed.

But Peyton persisted. "Brooke, what were you talking to Haley about?"

Sighing, Brooke knew they wouldn't stop until she told them. "I was just trying to sort of... help Nathan out a little."

Luke groaned. "Babe, that wasn't exactly the best idea."

"Hey, I just wanted to give them a little shove toward each other," muttered Brooke defensively.

"Brooke," Jake began, "if they're gonna be together, we have to let them find their way."

"Can't I at least help them be friends again?" Brooke argued, indignance flashing in her eyes.

Glancing at each other, they weren't sure how to refute her comment. But they didn't have to. "Hey, what are you guys still doing here?" Nathan's voice seemed to echo through the gym.

"Nothing," said Luke. Peyton shrugged nonchalantly and Jake simply nodded his head in greeting. Brooke remained silent, apparently still angry.

Noticing this, Nathan asked Luke, "What did you do?"

"Nothing," he answered. Nathan turned to Peyton, who once again shrugged.

His gaze landed finally on Jake, who just shook his head, saying, "Don't look at me."

Shrugging, Nathan included the whole group in his invitation, asking, "You guys want to go meet Mike's new neighbor?"

In much the same fashion as before, Luke replied with one word, "Sure," Peyton shrugged, and Jake nodded.

Brooke stood still as a statue, finally sighing. "Why not?"

And so the group continued toward the parking lot and their cars, which would take them to Mike's house, blissfully unaware of what was to come.

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Meanwhile, Haley was pulling smoothly into her new house's driveway and parking the car. She cut the engine and they sat for a few moments in awkward silence until Mike said, "Well, thanks for the ride."

She looked over at him. He leaned over and quickly smashed his lips on hers, grabbing her hips and bringing her closer to him as his tongue demanded entry. As she allowed his hand to sneak up her shirt, she suddenly thought of Nathan and her eyes shot open. Pulling away slightly, she smiled and said, "How bout I come over a little later?"

Grinning in understanding, he was quick to respond, "Sure." Realizing it was almost 5:00 anyway, he said, "5:30 ok?"

Nodding, she gave him a quick kiss before she hopped out of the car, waving before disappearing up the walk and through the front door. Sighing, she rushed into her house to begin getting ready, knowing one mistake, one wrong turn tonight and her entire New York experience could be erased. And that was the exact opposite of what she wanted. Or was it? At this point, she didn't know. And she was beyond caring.

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One thing he never understood about girls was the anxiety and/or excitement they experienced before meeting another of the same gender. He could understand why this would happen to them when meeting guys, but you didn't ever see guys nervous about meeting another guy. Unless of course they were gay.

Brooke was pacing Mike's living room, firing random questions such as, "What hair products does she use?" and "What kind of makeup does she wear?"

Peyton was sitting on the couch muttering some incoherent string of words that sounded like, "Is she a bitch? She'd better not be a bitch. Or a prep. They're too annoying. She doesn't wear a lot of pink, does she? I hate pink. It's so... pink."

Jake sat next to her, completely relaxed while Mike was reclining in a huge, leather chair. Nathan sat leisurely on the love seat, sprawled over it. Luke was in the kitchen, searching for something to eat. And Tim was once again left to sit on the floor, not daring enough to take Luke's spot on the arm chair by the couch.

They sat in silence, each engrossed in their own thoughts about this mysterious new girl, only Mike knowing what to expect.

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At 5:25, Haley lounged comfortably on her bed, knowing the time had come for her to decide. Nathan or no Nathan. This was the climax of her story of lies, deceit, betrayal, broken hearts, and change. This would ultimately decided the rest of her life. Happiness or loneliness? Love or sorrow? Friendship or nothing? The answers to these questions all seemed so obvious, but there were far too many obstacles to complicate them. And so, she decided, her climax would have to wait. Her future would not be decided today. Today, she would enjoy her freedom because tomorrow, it might be gone. Today, she wouldn't think of the many life altering decisions she was being asked to make because they would always be waiting for her. Always. Just as the sun always rises and the Earth is always moving. They would forever be a part of her. Whether resolved or unresolved, they would plague her until the day she died. So, just for today, she would escape it all. And Mike would conveniently be there to help her.

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At Mike's house, the group was beginning to get restless. Glancing at his watch, Nathan noticed it was 5:46. "Man, where is she?"

"I don't know. She said 5:30," Mike responded.

"Maybe she's not coming," Brooke suggested gently, settling onto Luke's lap as he returned form the kitchen to his seat.

"Relax, she'll show," he retorted, looking slightly nervous himself. The doorbell sounded loudly and Mike, looking relieved, went to answer it.

He pushed the door open to reveal Haley with a blank expression set on her features. "H-," he started, but was cut off by her lips as she leapt at him, knocking him over. She kicked the door shut as he turned them over.

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In the living room, Nathan was becoming extremely impatient. The others were annoyed with his presence and, as he asked yet again, "What could be taking him so long," the group told him to go check.

Sighing, he stood and exited the living room, trudging to the foyer, the sight in front of him stopping him in his tracks. Mike on top of his Haley. His formerly sweet and innocent Haley. It was a horrifying image, one which broke his heart. Why wouldn't she let him in? He couldn't even extract a simple hug from her, yet here she was, making out with an almost stranger. He was beginning to understand the meaning behind Haley's words: "That's not who I am anymore." For this was not the Haley who had left Tree Hill three years ago. This was a completely different person, with not even a faint hint of the amazing qualities she used to possess.

He cleared his throat angrily. Haley's head jerked up as her gaze landed on him. Quickly, she jumped off of Mike and just looked at Nathan. 'God, how could I be so stupid?' She had already screwed her relationship with Nathan up. Now, she feared she had destroyed it, pounded it into oblivion. But wasn't that her goal in the first place? To ruin their friendship, advertently, or inadvertently, so that he would never feel the pain she had known? He had always done his best to protect her. And now, it was finally her turn. No matter what the cost, she vowed to do what she could to keep him from harm. But, as she was learning, this was not an easy task. It seemed no matter what she did, she hurt him. It was all she knew how to do anymore. And, as long as she was around him, it was all she would do.

Mike lay on the floor, looking back and forth between Haley and Nathan. He didn't understand what was happening. Haley looked so regretful and ashamed. He could see the tears welling in her eyes. And Nathan. He had never seen Nathan like this before. He had never seen anyone like this before. He looked almost... dead. He was breathing, his heart was beating, physically, he was alive. But his eyes. Mike had always thought that the Great Nathan Scott could take anything. But now, he realized just how misconstrued this was. No one was invincible. 'We all have our breaking points,' he thought. And, unless he was mistaken, Nathan had just reached his.

Haley closed her eyes and swallowed, opening them when she felt something brush her arm. It was Nathan, heading for the door. Afraid should she try to speak, her voice would fail her, she reached out for his arm, but it was already beyond her grasp.

He yanked the door open and stormed out. She knew she had broken him. Now, she had to try and fix it. Praying he hadn't left yet, she ran out the door and down the drive. Looking around wildly, she saw him, already halfway up the road. "Nathan, wait!" she shouted, taking off after him. But he didn't stop. "Nathan!" she screamed. He kept walking. "I'm sorry!" He stopped. She quickly caught up to him.

They stood in silence for several minutes. Finally, he asked, "For what?" When she looked at him blankly, he continued. "What are you sorry for?"

She sighed, trying to decide what she should say. Sensing this, he said, "Just tell me the truth."

""The truth is overrated," she took a stab at humor. He didn't laugh.

"Just tell me," he muttered, closing his eyes.

"Everything. I'm sorry for everything, ok? I'm sorry for changing, I'm sorry for breaking my promise, I'm sorry for complicating your life. I'm sorry for so many things, I've lost count. But mostly, I'm sorry for hurting you. Because that was the last thing I wanted to do."

"Then why'd you do it? Why'd you close yourself off from me? Why won't you let me help you?"

"I don't know!" she screamed, frustrated. "I don't know how I got here. A few years ago, I was happy. I believed in happiness and friendship and love. I was happy being friends with you and Lucas. I was happy being a good person. I was happy with my life. And now, now, I'm here. And I'm not sure I know where here is. I'm not even sure I want to know.""

Nathan looked at the confused girl standing in front of him and his heart went out to her. Instead of a tough bitch who didn't take anyone's s hit, he saw a weak and vulnerable girl who needed saving. She needed someone to show her that she was wrong. That all of her views and theories on life weren't true and that everything she had once believed in was. That happiness, friendship, and love did exist. Sometimes, it was the only thing that mattered. "Haley," he whispered. She just blinked at him.

Then, the rain began to fall. It poured down in sheets, drenching Nathan and Haley, but neither seemed to notice as they just stared at each other. "Haley," he repeated.

"Yeah?" she whispered.

"Haley. It's who you are," he stated. "It's who you'll always be. That will never change. Even when you hide behind your money and your rich girl from New York facade, you'll still be Haley. Even when you act like a different person, you won't be. Because people like you don't just disappear. They just get lost sometimes."

She shook her head, "No, you're wrong."

He studied her and could see she was cracking. "I think I'm right. You're just too scared to admit it."

She shook her head harder. "You can't be."

"But I am," he countered firmly as she looked down and away from him. "Haley, look at me," he commanded softly. Slowly, she lifted her gaze from the ground to his eyes. When he knew he had her attention, he continued,"I won't give up on you. I know that's what you expect me to do, maybe you've even convinced yourself that's what you want me to do, but it's not gonna happen. I won't just throw away everything we used to have. Everything we could have again. I used to need you. Now, even if you won't admit it, you need me too. And I'll do whatever it takes to get you back. Because without you, nothing makes sense."

She could feel the tears stinging her eyes. What was she supposed to do? Was he right? Was everything she believed in a lie? Did she really need him? Was it worth everything she was risking? It was so confusing and she didn't know how she would ever sort it out. So she just looked at him, trying to convey her emotions without words.

Sometimes, the prospect of returning to the old Haley seemed well worth the risk, but she knew that should her heart be broken one more time, she wouldn't be able to mend it. No one would. So, was it truly worth everything she was giving up?

Nathan held out his arms to her, wanting to give her some amount of solace, no matter how small. But she remained rooted to her spot on the pavement, refusing to give in. When he didn't let his arms fall, she thought of how tired she was of her life. Of the unhappiness, the loneliness which consumed her more and more with each passing day. And she fell. She fell into his arms, not knowing what it meant, but not caring either. She sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder, her tears mixing with the rain. And for the first time in three years, she didn't feel so alone.


	8. Chapter 8 part 1

Chapter 8 (part 1):

She had never been more confused in her entire life than she was at this precise moment. She felt that if she tore down the walls she had so painstakingly built around her heart in New York, she would fall. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe, this time, someone would be there to catch her.

She had lost sight of everything she had been, everything she could be, for so long. But now that, that person was back in sight, Haley didn't know whether to reach out to her or to forget her altogether.

Nathan had shown her what she was missing. But should she take the plunge or not? Honestly, she wasn't sure if she'd ever know. And that scared her. The possibility of wasting her life away overanalyzing it all. But if she continued living in her present state, wasn't she wasting it away all the same?

Now, she sat wrapped in Nathan's embrace. After standing in the rain for a few minutes, he had suggested they go inside her house and dry off. They had both changed into dry clothes and Haley had walked out to see Nathan sitting on the couch.

As soon as he saw her, he quickly stood and made his way to stand in front of her, reaching out to her once more. And there it was again. Did she accept his gesture or not? He was offering her the uncommon chance to take back the mistakes she'd made in the past three years. But she just couldn't decide if it was right.

What she did know was that being held in Nathan's arms was the only thing that had felt right in a long while. So she let herself be held again. "Sh, it'll be ok," he whispered, rocking her and soothing her hair as she cried.

Her strength was gone and she wondered if it would ever come back. And with the weakness came the tears. Even as he comforted her, they wouldn't be stopped. She simply needed a way to just let it all out and this is what the tears were for. For she had come to learn that, contrary to what she had believed, they were not a weakness. Instead, at times, they could actually serve to strengthen.

She wasn't sure how she had let herself trust Nathan (at least partly), but she had. And, in a way, she was glad. She had someone to lean on. But she couldn't allow herself to get too close. Especially now when she was finally straightening herself out.

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At Mike's house, the group was fishing for information about the encounter between Nathan and Haley. "So, he saw you on top of her and you guys were making out?" Jake asked slowly, trying to make sure he understood.

Mike nodded. Brooke, growing impatient, said, "And then..." motioning for Mike to continue.  
"And when she saw him, she jumped up."

Luke, getting frustrated himself, prompted, "And..."

"And she looked like she was gonna cry."

Peyton groaned. "Yeah, but what did she do?"

Mike looked as if he understood what they were asking now. "Ohhhhh..." Peyton rolled her eyes, finding it hard to believe how slow the guy was. He cleared his throat, "Well, Nathan ran out looking really mad."

Five faces (Tim, Jake, Luke, Peyton, and Brooke) looked at him expectantly. He remained silent, scratching his head in a confused manner.

"Even I'm not that stupid, dude," Tim said incredulously.

"What?" questioned Mike.

"Did... she... go... after... him?" Peyton gritted out.

"Oh. Yeah," Mike responded.

Brooke sighed in relief, collapsing on the couch as the others just smiled.

"So, what's the story with those two?" Mike asked, clueless as usual. The others looked around uncomfortably, not knowing where to begin. Or if they even should begin.

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It was later that night and Haley had fallen asleep in Nathan's arms on the couch. 'I could stay this way forever,' he thought contentedly as he grasped her tighter to him and planted a soft kiss on the top of her head, stroking her cheek softly. He never wanted to let go of her, not when he had finally broken through, at least somewhat.

His thoughts immediately returned to the situation at hand. He knew he might never understand exactly what Haley was going through, but he also knew he had to respect it. He had always believed that nothing had the ability to change Haley James. Therefore, he was positive that whatever had succeeded in accomplishing this supposedly impossible task had been severe. He knew that it would take time for her to open up to him about it. That she might never be able to. But every word he had spoken to her earlier was true. He needed her. He needed her more than he had ever needed anything. And he would never stop needing her.

She had taught him so much about the good in this world. He used to believe she was the only good left in this world. She was the embodiment of innocence, kindness, beauty, love, compassion, of life itself. She represented the part of life that made it worth living. Without her, he was lost. And he needed her to help him find his way back.

It had always been up to her to pull through for both of them. Now, it was up to him to bring them both out of the darkness they had too easily become accustomed to.

She was his everything. And he couldn't lose her.


	9. Chapter 8 part 2

Hey guys! I decided since I kept getting positive reviews, I'd update again. Notice they're coming faster now. So, keep reviewing and I'll keep updating. Thank you so much!

P.S. I know it's short, but there's one more part to this chapter and it'll come later on, well today actually, since it's a little after midnight.

Chapter 8 (part 2):

It was 6:00 on a Tuesday morning and Haley and Nathan lay on the couch, still sleeping in each other's arms. It was the best sleep either of them could've asked for, especially when taken into consideration that Haley's parents were away, so it had been comfortably undisturbed.

Slowly, Haley's eyes fluttered open and her vision met with the handsome, sleeping face of Nathan Scott. Feeling his arms around her and remembering the previous night, she smiled and softly kissed his forehead.

She knew she should jump out of his strong arms, take back everything that happened the night before, and return to her nightmarish existence. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. So, instead, she lay back down, resting her head on his chest, and snuggling back into his warmth, letting his rhythmic heartbeat lull her back into peaceful slumber.

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An hour and a half later, she awoke again, alone on the couch, the smell of bacon and eggs drawing her into the kitchen. The sight in front of her was enough to bring a graceful smile to her lips. Nathan, in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. She stood for a few minutes just watching him, desperately reminding herself why their relationship must remain strictly platonic for the time being.

He turned and was surprised to see her there, leaning against the doorframe. But what surprised him even more was her smile. It was the same smile she had three years ago. The one that portrayed her innocence (though he wasn't sure how much of that she had left), her kindness, and her wonderful heart. It showed everything that he loved about her. It was one of the things he had missed most about her and, seeing it, he knew the old Haley was beginning to shine through.

They were still a long way from normal. So far away, he knew they weren't anywhere close yet. But it was a start. And for now, that was enough.


	10. Chapter 8 part 3

Chapter 8 (part 3):

Breakfast had been the epitome of perfection and neither Nathan nor Haley wished to ruin the calm which had settled over them, the friendship they had recently formed again. For as long as they could afford, they sat at the kitchen table, talking, laughing, their bond growing stronger as each minute passed. Both tried to ignore their growing sense of dread toward the approaching school day. For they knew that at school, the smallest thing, something a random person might say or do, could potentially set them off. And so soon after settling their differences, at least temporarily, they could easily be torn apart. And all that had taken them so long to gain would be lost, most likely forever this time. But when Nathan, afraid of losing Haley again, gently asked, "Should we skip today,"

Haley protested, saying, "We have to go. We'll have to face them sooner or later."

He took her hand, running the pad of his thumb over it softly, saying, "Shouldn't we give it a day or two?"

She looked into his eyes and saw the terror there. The same terror which she knew was mirrored in her own eyes. They were terrified of losing each other. But she knew what they had to do. Looking down, but not removing her hand, she whispered, "Probably." Looking back up again, she noticed he was staring intently at her, not knowing what to make of any hidden meanings that might lay behind her words. "Hey, we'll make it through," she whispered as he looked at her, doubt shining in his eyes. "Together," she added, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

He nodded, disappointed, casting his eyes to their entwined hands and gripping her's tighter. "It'll be fine. I promise," she muttered, dropping his hand and pulling him into a hug.

He hugged her back, not knowing what to expect from the day ahead, but knowing it wouldn't be good.

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Lucas, Brooke, Peyton, Jake, and Tim were clustered around Nathan's locker. They were all worriedly awaiting the moment when a heartbroken Nathan would make an appearance. None had been able to reach him the night before and they all knew what that meant. Either he had spent the night with Haley or she had rejected him yet again and he was in no mood to talk to anyone. They were in favor of the latter. "Where could he be?" Tim asked anxiously, for, despite, his shallow, dim-witted ways, Nathan was his best friend and he really cared about him.

The others were silent, hoping Nathan's absence wasn't due to his interaction with Haley the day before. "You know," Lucas began, "I used to wish Haley would come back, not just for me, but mostly for Nathan. Now I wish she had stayed far away."

Brooke kissed him quickly and said, "Babe, just give her some time." But he wasn't listening to her. He was staring at something down the hall.  
She turned and was shocked at what she saw. Nathan and Haley walking down the hall. Together. Nathan's arm was around Haley's shoulder and she was leaning into him. They both looked scared, but at least they had each other.

As the two approached, Haley gave a small, timid smile, whispering shyly, "Hey guys."

Immediately, Brooke jerked her away from Nathan and into a tight hug, whispering a quick, "Thank you," in her ear before she was pulled away by Lucas. With the exception of Nathan, none knew what Haley would be like now, but they assumed she had made some sort of progress and that she'd let Nathan help her.

Even Tim was ecstatic, joyfully bringing her into an instinctive hug of his own. Surprised, she relaxed and smiled, hugging him back. "Ok, boys," Brooke grinned, "I'll take her from here."

Nathan groaned, "Come on, Brooke."

Haley smiled helplessly, reassuring him, "It's alright. Meet you here after class?"

He nodded, still disappointed. She gave him a hug before disappearing with Brooke.

Peyton laughed. "She has no idea what she just got herself into." The others laughed with her.

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As of lunch time, Haley had managed to avoid Kristen, Rhonda, Katie, Jen, and all the other juniors and seniors in their clique, sitting far away from them in class and rushing to meet Nathan before they could catch her afterwards. As the bell indicating lunch rang, she breathed a sigh of relief and wandered through the halls to the cafeteria. Upon entering, she scanned the room for one face in particular and smiled when she caught sight of him waving her over.

She could feel many pairs of eyes on her as she strode to Nathan's table and took a seat between him and Lucas. It was just like old times: Her, Nathan, and Lucas. But now, she had Brooke, Peyton, Jake, and Tim too. She smiled at the thought. A few years ago, if you had told her she would be friends with Brooke Davis or Peyton Sawyer, she would have laughed in your face. But she had learned to look past peoples' images and this is what she found:

Brooke appeared to be a selfish, spoiled, rich, popular cheerleader. She was considered a bitch, a slut, a whore who didn't care about anyone. But if you looked deeper, you would find that underneath it all, she had an amazing heart. She was tough, but if you were fortunate enough to gain her love, it was unconditional. A few select people knew that she was a caring person who loved her friends more than life itself. She would never give them up for anything.

And Peyton. Peyton Sawyer was looked at as a misunderstood punk artist who didn't give a damn about anything other than her music and her artwork. People always seemed to think she was depressed, that she was only different because she longed for attention. But if any of these stereotypical people had bothered to look deeper, they would've been amazed at what they saw. Though tragedy had struck her life many times, she was still a good person. Though she didn't always express it in an obvious manner, she would do anything for those close to her. It generally took a lot to get her to let you in, but once she did, she would do her best to stand by you and be there for you when you needed her most.

Haley was very intuitive and it hadn't taken her long to reach this conclusion. She smiled at both of them now as Nathan took her hand. She turned her smile to him. The concern evident in his eyes was directed at her and made her feel warm and safe. With a nod of her head, she assured him she was ok. And only then did he smile in relief, but he didn't release her hand. And for some reason, the simple gesture made her happy.

But her smile quickly faded as she saw who was approaching their table. Kristen, Rhonda, Katie, Jen, and three guys named Jeff, Carl, and Steve stopped, surrounding Haley's chair as best they could. "Haley," Kristen cooed, her voice making several sitting at the table flinch.

Haley swallowed. "Yeah?"

Smiling, Kristen continued. "Well, we were wondering if we could talk to you out in the hall."

"Actually..." Haley began.

Kristen frowned. "We're not asking."

Giving Nathan''s hand a squeeze, she slowly let go of it and stood, following the group out into the hall. Looking around to make sure the hall was empty, Kristen's voice once again penetrated the nervous silence. "So, Haley, you said you moved here from New York, right?"

When Haley nodded, she grinned, almost maliciously it seemed. "You wouldn't happen to know my cousin John, would you? In a gang called The Skulls, goes by the name of Jack? Cuz when I mentioned you, he said you guys were tight."

Haley bit her lip and closed her eyes. Seeing this, Kristen's grin widened. "He just got out of jail. I was thinking about inviting him down for a visit."

Haley shook her head, finding it hard to believe this was happening to her. 'Why now!' she thought. After everything she had accomplished in the five days she'd been back. She knew that Jack coming to visit would ruin it all. The door banged open and the group rushed to reenter the cafeteria as Haley slid down the wall to sit on the floor, burying her head in her arms as the tears began to escape. Nathan, who had come out to look for her, raced to her side and knelt down, gathering her in his arms. "I'm gonna take you home, ok?" he said, standing and holding her in his arms.  
She nodded, resting her head on his shoulder and her arms around his neck as he carried her to his car. The car ride home was silent save for Haley's muffled sobs. Arriving at her house, Nathan took her inside and settled on the couch with her.

She gripped his arm, saying, "Nathan, I think I should tell you what happened in New York."


	11. Chapter 9

Hey guys! So, I decided to update again just because, well, I felt like it. Besides, I figured it was meant to leave you with a cliffhanger. So, here it is. Have fun with it and leave me some reviews. I might update some more today if I get some positive feedback.

Chapter 9:

Silence. It was what they had grown accustomed to, one of the few things that remained which bound them together. Even now, as they sat, surrounded by it, enveloped in it, they understood not what it meant, but perhaps what it was prolonging. The moment when she would reveal the truth to him. The truth of the events in her life that had transpired over the three years of her absence. Te truth of who she was and who she had forgotten. The truth was what she had never intended to share, but what she now, not necessarily felt obligated to, but needed to share. She yearned to let someone in, to share her confusion with someone else, to relive the mistakes she had made, and to salvage whatever was left of her past and whatever hope there was left for her future. She wanted all of this and so much more. But she didn't know where to begin. She had so much to tell and no idea as to how to tell it.

Nathan, the only person she felt needed to know the truth, sat patiently beside her, concern etched deeply in his features. She reached out and took his hand, holding it tightly for support. Looking worried, he started, "You don't have to do this you know. We can just forget all of it. It doesn't matter anymore."

She breathed deeply. "It matters to me. You need to know the truth. I need you to know the truth." He nodded, silently reassuring her. She sighed. "When we moved to New York, everything was so different. Everyone was so different. There, everything was so fast paced and everyone was so cold. I felt lost without you and Luke there..." She told him of how Jack and The Skulls had approached her and how she needed to be accepted by them. She told him everything she had done with them, even losing her virginity to Jack, though she knew the memory caused them both pain. She told him about the night The Skulls had gotten arrested and why she hadn't gone to prison with them. About how she had made new friends after that and become a slut. The memories came rapidly and sounded shocking, even to her. But Nathan was quiet, letting her talk, saving his judgement until she was finished.

Finally, her ramble ended abruptly. She was done. And he wasn't leaving. She began to wonder how she had managed to convince herself that he wasn't to be trusted, that, no matter what the circumstances, she didn't need him and never would. He was perhaps the only person she knew who could listen to a story such as hers and be able to fight the undoubtedly strong urge compelling him to run fast and far, far away from all the havoc she seemed to be wreaking upon his life. All the damage she had done. All the trouble she had caused. Instead, he stayed by her side, perfectly willing to do anything and everything to keep her in his life. She had once been that for him. Maybe she could be again some day. But she knew that would take time. And time was something she seemed to be running out of.

She wasn't sure her newfound strength could stand the test of time. And she wasn't ready to find out just yet. But she would have to. Because it seemed that fate never wanted her happiness to last. Jack was coming to Tree Hill. What were the chances that a random citizen of her quaint hometown could be so closely connected to the sole being responsible for her destruction who lived so far away? Statistics would show that the chance was something similar to one in a million, but as it turns out, that one in a million does come true every so often.  
So, as Nathan remained seated beside her, she decided to be completely honest with him. She softly whispered, "He's Kristen's cousin. He's coming to visit her soon."

Nathan, shaking off the shocked trance he had been in, rested his hands on her shoulders and gazed into her eyes. "Who? Who's coming to town?"

"Jack," she muttered, unable to tear herself away from his eyes. They were deep and held such genuine emotions, the clearest blue she had ever seen. And then their eye contact was broken as he took her in his arms, comforting her as he had done so many times in the past few days, expecting her to cry. But she didn't cry. She couldn't. She was paralyzed by her recent encounter with two spheres of mesmerizing blue.

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Back at school, no one knew where Nathan had disappeared to. All they knew was that he had gone to look for Haley and never came back. Lucas was so worried, he was pacing the floor of the boys' locker room minutes before practice was to commence.

"Lucas, man, calm down," Jake tried, hoping Luke would listen to him.

"Where the hell could he be?" Lucas spit out, taking a seat on the bench beside Jake.

"I'm sure he's fine, Luke," Jake smiled reassuringly.

Luke sighed. "I know. It's just... he's my brother, you know?"

Jake nodded. "I know."

Tim came rushing up, talking speedily, "Ok someone said they saw him leave carrying Haley who was crying and I called her house and he's there and he said he'd try to make it to practice."

Luke, looking relieved, said, "Thanks, man." Lucas, Jake, and Tim jogged into the gym together. They could only wait to see if Nathan would show up.

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After getting off the phone with Tim, Nathan returned to Haley on the couch and immediately took her back in his arms. She sighed contentedly, wriggling closer to him. He cleared his throat. "Haley?"

"Hmm?" she mumbled.

"You know I'll always be there for you, right?"  
She smiled, "Yeah, I do now."

"Haley, you are such a good friend. You're the best friend I've ever had. But I want to be more. I wanna be with you. I want to be your everything."

Her smile faded. "Nathan..." He grimaced, knowing she was about to reject him again. He knew it had been a bad idea to bring it up. He had known it would most likely wreck the bond they had struggled to revive. But he loved her and he couldn't help the way he felt.

Haley sighed. "Nathan, you know you mean so much to me. You're my best friend, sometimes you're the only person I can rely on. I never want to lose you again. But I''m just not ready for that kind of relationship yet. It's too hard right now."

He looked crestfallen, as though she had broken his heart. She felt terrible. But she knew it wasn't right. Not yet. Wanting to provide some comfort for him, she put her hands on either side of his face and said, "But don't you see? You are my everything."

He shook his head and, releasing her, said, "I have to go to practice."

Panic stricken, she raced after him and, before he could close the door behind him exclaimed, "Nathan!" He turned to her. Her voice shook as she tried to explain, "I want to... I just can't."

He nodded and smiled half-heartedly, stepping back in to hug her. She kissed his cheek and watched as he left and got in his car. "I'm sorry," she whispered to the closed door as the tears began to fall. "I'm so sorry." But there was no one there to hear her.

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They were 10 minutes into practice and Nathan still had not arrived. But Lucas wasn't worried. He knew Nate was doing his best. And, his little brother might think he was hiding it discreetly enough, but Luke could see it was wearing him out. He was trying to keep his grades up, do his best at basketball, spend time with his friends, deal with issues in his family, and now, helping Haley too. No normal person should have to deal with all of that.

But Lucas wasn't the only perceptive one in their little group. Peyton was the ex girlfriend of Nathan and besides Lucas and Haley, knew him best. She could detect his moods. She knew when something was wrong. And she could tell that Haley was tearing him apart.

She saw the love in his eyes when he looked at Haley, the very love she had always wished to see when he looked at her during the time they had dated. But his heart was always with her. Haley was the one he loved. And she had known that, had come to respect it.  
She had a new love now and was over being jealous, but Nathan was still her good friend. And she couldn't bear to watch Haley come back in his life and ruin it again. Though she had criticized Brooke earlier, she knew her and Haley needed to have a little talk.

And then, Nathan walked slowly into the gym. Peyton frowned. Something had happened. He looked disappointed... sad even. And Nathan Scott was never sad. He trudged slowly over to Whitey, who proceeded to glare at him. "And where have you been?" he asked Nathan, dangerously angry. "Making yourself look pretty for the team?" he spit out sarcastically.

"No, I had something to do," he mumbled, looking at the floor.

Even Whitey could tell how crushed he was and, contrary to popular belief, he was concerned with his player's personal lives. So, he decided to go easy on Nathan just this once. "Get out there, Scott!" he barked.

Nathan nodded, trailing over to Lucas, who asked, "You ok, man?"

Nate sighed. "Yeah, fine." He grabbed a ball and released it, watching as it sailed through the air and straight through the net. Basketball came so easily to him. So why couldn't Haley?

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After washing her face, erasing any traces of her crying session, she sat on the couch, flicking through the channels on TV, thinking about (what else?) Nathan. How had she managed to bring him closer only to push him away so many times? And now she had done it again. Even if she hadn't meant to.

Pressing the power button, she threw the remote down and ran her hands over her face. She had made so many mistakes since her return, since her family's move to New York even, and she was tired of it. So tired. She was going to fix her most recent one.

She couldn't take back what she'd done, but she could try to make up for it. And that's what she was going to do. Before it was too late. She glanced at the clock: 6:43. Nathan would be home from practice by now. She grabbed her keys and rushed out the door.

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Haley's car pulled up in Nathan's driveway. She took a deep breath and slowly got out, walking to the front door. Nervous as hell, she rang the doorbell before her courage dissolved.

One, two, three seconds passed and the door swung open. Nathan looked at Haley, confused. Before he had a chance to question her, she kissed him.

After a few seconds, he kissed her back and held her tiny waist in his arms. Her arms settled on his neck After a while, Nathan pulled away, out of breath and looked at her searchingly. "What was that for?" he asked quietly.

She smiled. "I wanna be your everything."

He smiled and brought her lips back to his.

They were through waiting. The right time was now. It had to be.


	12. Chapter 10

Hey, sorry I didn't update this sooner. I made an impromptu visit back to my parents, so I've been on a plane and catching up with them. I promise frequent updates againt though. And you know what I just figured out? Once I put this up, it actually takes a really long time to show up on the site. Yes, I know, I'm slow. Anyway, R&R people. Btw, loving the reviews. You guys rock! Next few chapters will be up tomorrow.

Chapter 10:

It was a week and several days after the start of Nathan and Haley's non-platonic relationship and, though nothing is ever perfect, for them, it was pretty damn close. They couldn't be happier. And that was beginning to worry Haley. Because she was never so happy for this long. She was just a bit paranoid perhaps and couldn't help but wait for the other shoe to drop. For the day when it would all be ripped away from her. She was thankful that it had not yet come. And she was hoping that it wouldn't anytime soon.

She sat in Calculus, bored out of her mind as the teacher droned on and on. There was still five minutes left of his seemingly endless lecture and the fact that she was so impatient to see Nathan only made it longer. She dropped her pencil, having stopped listening closely enough to take notes soon after class began. She leaned back in her chair, staring at the clock and watching the seconds tick by.

Four minutes now. She rolled her neck from side to side, desperately fighting the urge to fall asleep.

Three minutes. Sighing loudly, she looked around the room, shifting in her seat uncomfortably as she saw Kristen studying her intently.

Two minutes. She shuffled papers around on her desk restlessly.

One minute. She quietly loaded everything in her bag and sat waiting for the bell to ring. When it finally did, she raced from her seat toward the door, hoping to avoid a confrontation with Kristen. Just as she stepped into the hall, Kristen's hand landed on her shoulder. She swallowed and turned, faking a smile in the other girl's direction. ""Yeah?"

Nathan, a little bit down the hall could see what was about to happen and knew he couldn't allow it to. "Haley!" he called, jogging down the hall to her side before Kristen could open her mouth again.

She grinned in relief. "Hey baby." She kissed him quickly as his arm immediately moved to protectively circle her waist and he led her in the opposite direction from Kristen, who stalked off, looking frustrated and angry. Haley sighed, relaxing against him and wrapping her own arm around his waist as they headed toward the cafeteria, whispering, "Thank you."

He kissed the top of her head. "Anything for you, babe." She smiled, stopping and leaning up to kiss him again. After a few seconds, she began to pull away, but he jerked her back to him, parting her lips with his tongue. Her hands went to the back of his head, pulling him closer. He backed them up and pushed her against the row of lockers. After 10 minutes of making out, Peyton approached them. Things had escalated and she raised an amused brow at the two people heatedly making out before her.

She cleared her throat, but they didn't hear her. She tried clearing it again, but they didn't notice. Rolling her eyes, she tapped Nathan on the shoulder. But he seemed not to feel it as his hand crept to the hem of Haley's shirt and under it. She shook his shoulder and he finally pulled away from Haley, annoyed, and exclaimed, "What!"

She rolled her eyes. "You do know you're missing lunch," she informed them.

Nathan groaned, resting his head on Haley's shoulder, then lifting it again and asking, "You interrupted us for that?"

She shrugged. "We didn't know where you guys were." Turning on her heel, she walked back toward the cafeteria, expecting them to follow.

Nathan looked at Haley pleadingly. "We can just ditch them, right?"

She gave him a reproving glance, which quickly turned to a sympathetic expression as she caressed his cheek, saying, "I know, baby. But we have to go." He eased away from her reluctantly, clearly frustrated. "Hey," she grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. "Come over after school. I'll make it up to you," she promised.

He nodded, still disappointed, and his arm automatically settled back around her waist. She smiled and gave him one last kiss and they set off down the hall toward the friends they didn't quite realize how lucky they were to have.

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At a lunch table in the crowded noisy cafeteria of Tree Hill High sat a group of seven people, some lovers, some merely friends, but all their lives were so inexplicably woven and tangled together that it seemed they would never be rid of each other and the tight knit group they were the exclusive members of. At times, it seemed that certain of these members could barely tolerate the presence of another member, but they were all the closest of friends and this bound them together in a way such that nothing would ever be able to truly tear them apart.

Where there had once sat six, there now sat seven. And for that, each person occupying one of the seven spaces could not be happier. In a world where nothing can be taken for granted, where one day you could be the happiest person alive and the next you could be wallowing in self despair with no one to turn to but yourself, it was a relief to know that they all could depend on one another. And, though none of them had ever actually spoken those words aloud, it was a silent understanding, a unanimous agreement that they would always remain friends. Though they may have their disagreements, their arguments, even, at times, believe their relationship to be damaged beyond repair, nothing would ever permanently come between them.

So, they sat, enjoying each others company as they had all the days of the past week. "So, what are we doing today?" asked Brooke, gazing at the faces of the six people she now considered closest to her.

"Me and Haley have plans," offered Nathan quickly. He had no problem with spending time with his friends, but today, he wanted Haley all to himself.

Brooke's eyes narrowed. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," he replied, obviously willing to fight for her companionship.

Haley rolled her eyes. "While I love having two people fight over me, Brooke, me and Nathan do have plans."

Brooke sighed. "Come on, Haley, we need to have a girl's night out. Please, we haven't done that in forever."

"Brooke, you know I love you but I promised Nathan I'd spend some alone time with him."

Brooke glared dangerously at her. "Haley, girl's night. You and Nathan can spend time together some other time."

Haley turned to Nathan. "She''got a point sweetie."

He groaned. "No, Haley, today was supposed to be for you and me." He looked at her pleadingly.

"Aw, that is so sweet. Sorry, Brooke, girl's night can wait, Haley proclaimed, staring into Nathan's eyes which lit up at her comment.

Brooke rolled her eyes, jealous that her friend would rather spend time with Nathan than with her. "Haley," she whined.

"Brooke," Haley mocked her, tearing her gaze away from Nathan's, who laced his fingers with hers.

Brooke pouted at Haley. "You cannot be serious. You would rather spend time with that jerk than me and Peyton? I'm hurt. No offense, Nathan."

Nathan grunted. "None taken."

"Brooke, we can have girl's night this weekend."

"It's Friday, Haley, it is the weekend. Please, me and Peyton need to have some girl time. You might have just started dating someone, but we've been dating these guys for months and we need some time away."

"Hey!" Lucas protested.

"What!" Jake cried indignantly.

"We do?" asked Peyton.

"Can I come?" asked Tim.

Brooke let out a small scream of frustration. "Yes, we do. I'm sorry Luke and Jake, but we get tired of you sometimes. And Tim, no, you can't come. You may act like a girl, but you're way too perverted."

Haley sighed. "Fine."

"No, no, no, no," Nathan groaned. "You are mine this weekend."

"Sorry, babe, guess we'll just have to spend Saturday together or something."

"Yes!" Brooke cheered, pumping her arm victoriously. She stuck her tongue out at Nate. "Ha!"

So, for one night, this close knit group would separate according to gender, few agreeable to the plan, most greatly opposed to it. But they all good-naturedly agreed to succumb to Brooke's wishes for one night, waiting until the next night when they would be able to do whatever it was they wanted. They would eventually be able to do whatever they pleased. Because, and Haley grinned at the thought, they had time.

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After school, seven people congregated around Brooke's car, Brooke grinning at the scene before her. Nathan was begging Haley to skip out on girl's night, pleading with his puppy dog eyes and attempting to persuade her with little kisses. But Brooke knew they would all eventually agree to her plan. She loved that she had this much power. And, while winning over Nathan had been part of it, she really did want a girl's night with just Peyton and Haley. She may love Luke and perhaps her statement about getting tired of spending time with him had not been entirely true, but she really needed to spend some time with her favorite girl friends just for one night.

She smiled, watching Peyton trying to console Jake, who had already planned out their whole weekend.

Tim was sitting off to the side, looking depressed, knowing that whatever came of this night would most likely not be favorable to him.

Luke stood beside her, pleading, "Please, baby. You guys can have girl's night next weekend. We all already had plans for today. I had plans for you and me too."

"Luke," she said stiffly, "I told you. It'll just have to wait. Me and Peyton and Haley have not been able to have a girl's night since Haley started dating Nathan and she just needs one night away from him to spend with us. Besides, we'll probably just spend the whole night talking about how much we miss you guys anyway."

"Fine," Lucas scowled.

"Aw, I'm sorry, honey. We can spend tomorrow together. Just you and me."

He turned to her, looking a little happier. "Promise?"

She smiled. He really did love her. "I promise," she said, giving him a soft kiss. When she broke away, five indignant people stood in front of her. "What?" she asked innocently.

"Yeah, you and Luke need a break my ass," Nathan mumbled, looking away and frowning deeply.

"Babe, it's just one night," Haley tried to convince him.

He looked at her desperately. "But that's a long time," he whined.

"OK, boys, I think it's time for us girls to leave now. Buh-bye. See you tomorrow."

Peyton hugged Jake and kissed his cheek.

Haley kissed Nathan, then pulled away. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to him. "Don't go, please," he whispered in her ear.

She looked into his eyes and saw the longing there. Her heart ached for him. But she knew he could survive one night apart. They both could. At least she hoped so. "I'm sorry," she said in his ear, kissing it and letting him go.

He watched as both her and Peyton linked arms with Brooke and the three most important women in his life got in a car and drove away. It was only for one night, but he didn't know if he could stand it.

Lucas groaned. "Man, what are they doing to us?"

"I don't know, man, but I miss her already," sighed Jake, staring after Brooke's car.

Nathan turned to them. "Come on, guys. We can do this. It's just one night. We'll go to a club like we used to, we just can't pick up any girls. But we can look."

"Fine," Jake agreed.

Tim suddenly looked excited about the prospects for his night. "I'm in," he agreed eagerly.  
"Whatever,"" Luke sighed.

"Alright, we can chill at my house for a couple hours first,"" Nathan suggested as they all made their way to his car.

It was gonna be a long night.


	13. Chapter 11

Here's the next part. Hope you like. Thank you so much for the reviews. They were really inspiring. Look for chapter 12 sometime later today.

Chapter 11:

The girls were at Brooke's, the boys at Nathan's. The general idea of the night was to take time away from each other, to spend time with people of their own sex, to reconnect with their friends, to not think about their relationships with their significant others; to instead pretend that they had nothing to worry about and to just go out and have a good time. To live in the moment and willingly follow wherever life decided to take you next. They would act first, and ask questions later. They wouldn't care what they looked like to others, they would do whatever the hell they pleased and not get any grief about it later. This was what they hoped to accomplish. However, it seemed nearly impossible.

Haley could not get Nathan off her mind and vice versa. The same proved true for each couple in the group. Even Brooke, whose idea this night was originally, was beginning to think it was a bad idea. She missed Lucas too damn much.

But Haley decided that it was time for them to pull it together. So, she stood from her position sprawled over Brooke's bed, and, with a look of sheer determination, began to speak. "Guys, we are pathetic. I mean, the whole reason for this night was for a girl's night out. We shouldn't have to worry about our boyfriends. And instead, we sit here missing them. Seriously, it's like besides them, we have no lives. Well, that's just wrong. I mean, they're probably sitting there right now at some bar or in some club, staring at girls who are way hotter than us and wishing we weren't tying them down. I say we go have a little fun of our own. Now, who's with me?"

Brooke and Peyton shared a look of surprise, then a smirk spread across Brooke's face as she retorted, "Never thought I trained you that well Haley. But of course, you are my best friend. I like the way you think. Come on guys, let's do some damage." With a grin, she hopped up from her position on the floor and dragged her two best friends to her closet.

It was time for a real girl's night out.

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The boys were at Nathan's house, in the kitchen, searching for something edible. Nathan looked through the fridge, grimacing at the unrecognizable food. He pulled out a tupperware container with some mass of green inside it and groaned. ""Man, what the f uck is this stuff?""

Jake sighed. "Maybe we should just head out already. I don't think we're gonna find anything here. We can stop for dinner on the way."

The others readily agreed. They all piled once again into Nathan's mustang and headed off toward whatever club they could find for the night. Tim had eagerly climbed into the front seat next to Nathan, rushing ahead of the others to the car so that no one else could take the spot. And, as the others were quickly learning, Tim had horrible taste in music. 'Note to self,' thought Nathan. 'Never, EVER let Tim sit in the front again. Or you will be subjected to this crap.'

The others stared incredulously at Tim, who sat in the front seat, eyes closed, singing along with the old woman's cackling voice to some song with no rhythm, beat, melody, or anything else. As the song, much to everyone else's relief, came to an end, Tim sighed, eyes still shut in what could only be described as pure rapture, and said, "Isn't that the best music you've ever heard, guys?""

"Man, you've got some problems," Jake said as Nathan reached over and turned the station.

"Tim, what do you do when you're not with us?" Luke asked, becoming increasingly alarmed as he learned that Tim may have even less of a life than they had previously thought him too.

Tim shrugged. "I guess not much of anything."

"That's what I was afraid of."

"What's wrong with that?" Tim asked defensively, obviously not understanding the point the others were trying to get across.

Nathan glanced at him, then quickly back at the road, "Dude, you need a life."

"But I do have a life," he answered, still confused.

"No, really, you don't," Jake stated.

Tim sighed. Why did they always single him out? Oh well, maybe he could find a hot girl at the club tonight. Well, at least one that was actually willing to talk to him. That had been a problem last time……

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Brooke, Peyton, and Haley had appeared to have accomplished their original plan, to forget about all the dramas of dating. Of course, their current boyfriends still lingered in the backs of their minds, but for tonight they would have to be pushed to the side. Now, said boyfriends would not have appreciated their own girlfriends speaking of them in this way, but what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them, right? What was the harm in having a little fun? So, the girls had found a new club to spend their Friday night at and couldn't wait for their girl's night to officially begin.

First step, getting into the club without having to show ids. Now, given that they were three young (but not too young), hot, sexy girls who were very experienced in this department, they estimated that it would take them all of two minutes. They had this down to an art. If it had been a profession, they could have made millions. They knew you had to be suggestive enough to get in, but not too memorable. He had to fall for your charismatic sex appeal, then forget you the minute you left his sight. This, to many, was a very difficult task, but for these three girls, it took only about 2 ½ minutes to accomplish. Phase one, complete.

Next, they would each pick their own ideal guy (besides the one they were currently dating, of course) and capture his attention. They would make him want them, woo him, use all of their seductive charm, and, just when he thought he had them, they would disappear. The object: Make him want them, get whatever they could out of him (i.e. drinks and such) and then leave. Now, it was time for the selection process.

Brooke stared around almost in awe. "Ok, I have seen plenty of fine guys before, including my own boyfriend, but damn……" her voice trailed off.

Peyton stared along with her, shocked at how many hot people could be in one place.

Haley stood, already looking bored, used to all of this and so much more from her three years in New York. To her, this was just like another night in one of those clubs with her friends, getting guys to pick you up. Once she had decided that she had to be with Nathan, she had simultaneously decided to never revert back to this. To bury the person she became in New York. Because even if she wasn't the same person who left Tree Hill years before, she could try to become that person again. And to do that, she had to give up the life she had come to love. But, maybe she could have that life back for just one night. She hoped that she was strong enough to fall back into the comfort of what had been and return to what should be the next day. Because if she wasn't…… she shivered at the thought.

"Come on, ladies," she smirked, making her way to the bar. "Let the games begin."

The three girls sauntered confidently to the bar, turning quite a few heads, though acting nonchalant about it, and began scanning the room from there. Brooke spotted something on the opposite end of the room and smiled. "Ooh, what about him?"

Haley glanced in the direction Brooke pointed and rolled her eyes. "Come on, Brooke. You can do better than that."

Brooke raised an eyebrow at her. "What are you talkin about? That boy is FINE."

Haley, in turn, raised her own brow, "Brooke, we want better than fine. Besides, he doesn't exactly look rich."

Finally, after much deliberation, the girls had chosen their respective companions for the evening, though said companions were as of yet, blissfully unaware of this fact. Haley had chosen a hot blonde, completely different from Nathan besides that he had an amazing body and incredible blue eyes. Brooke had picked a dark haired guy who was tall and muscular with a gorgeous smirk. Peyton had selected a tall guy with sandy brown hair and intense, smoky eyes.  
Brooke smirked. "Alright girls, let's go get em."

And so, the night began.

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While their girlfriends were choosing random men to pick up, the boys had finished their dinner and were now searching for a club. They must have driven past at least three or four by now, but none had seemed wild enough. Finally, they came upon one with blaring music and two of the finest women they'd ever seen entering. "This is it," Nathan smirked, parking the car.

They all climbed out and made their way to the door where there stood an abnormally large bouncer, even for his profession. "IDs," he commanded in a gruff tone, frowning at them, appraising them with his eyes. They each handed him a fake one and he took them one by one, looking from the picture back to the person, his brow wrinkling. Nathan, Lucas, and Jake had passed this inspection. Tim was the last to come to the bouncer.

"This doesn't look like you, son. You're way too young to be the guy in this picture," the bouncer said, handing his ID back to him.

Nathan groaned and shook his head.

Jake stared at Tim in fury. Since when did he change IDs?

Luke, always the level headed one, said calmly, "Come on, he's with us. Besides, he belongs to a decent gym. Exercise can make you look 10 years younger."

The bouncer, distracted by four women approaching, relented begrudgingly. "Fine."

The boys, relieved, walked into the club. Jake slapped Tim on the head, who yelled, "What the hell was that for!"

Jake glared at him. "Why'd you change IDs, dumbass? We told you not to."

But Tim didn't answer, so the group walked further into the room, scanning it for hot chicks. Nathan nodded toward the bar and took off in that direction. The others split up, each searching for their own girl. Each praying that whatever came of tonight wouldn't affect the relationships they were already in.

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At the girl's present location, they were in the bathroom, conferring about the progress they had made thus far. Peyton relayed that she wasn't having too much luck with her guy. He was a really slow college guy and, surprisingly didn't really understand all the suggestive comments she made.

Brooke stated that her "date" had only bought her two drinks and "wasn't really the dancing type."

Haley was the only one who had, had any real luck with the guy she had picked. "Yeah," she bragged. "He's eating out of the palm of my hand. I say jump, he jumps. Seriously, the guy is whipped. He will not stop offering to buy me stuff. And you should've seen the look on his face when I danced with him. I could've sworn he was in heaven."

Peyton looked at her jealously. "How do you do it?" she asked. "I mean, there must be something we're missing. Cuz me and Brooke are two fine young women."

Haley simply laughed. "Come on, guys. Maybe you'll have more luck this time. Or, you could always pick someone else. The night is still young."

Laughing, they all filed out of the bathroom and back into the club. Haley spotted her guy over by the counter and waved to Brooke and Peyton, creeping up quietly behind him. "Hey, stranger," she purred in his ear. He turned to her and smiled.

"Took you long enough," he retorted.

She had a witty comment on the tip of her tongue, but it dissolved as she saw who was sitting next to them. Dark hair, blue eyes with a fire burning in them. A fire with little anger, but much jealousy. Uh oh. Nathan. He shook his head and stood from his seat, paying the bartender and leaving the girl he had been flirting with. "S hit!" she cursed, apologizing to the stranger she had been with and hurrying after him.

Catching up to him just before he entered the men's room, she grabbed onto his arm and whipped him around to face her. "Nathan," she muttered.

He looked down at her and sighed. "What?"

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled, finding it difficult to look into his eyes.

He lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. "Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. It was harmless. I just, you know, it's just hard to see you like that with someone else."

She smiled. "Aw, is someone a little jealous?"

He guffawed. "No!"

She cocked her eyebrow at him.  
He snared her in his arms. "Maybe just a little."

Her smile widened. "It's ok, baby. You know you're the only one for me." Her arms went around his neck.

"I better be," he whispered, leaning down and kissing her.

She smiled against his lips. She couldn't get over how happy he made her. She felt like the most loved person in the world. No one had ever made her feel more special. And she loved him for it. She had yet to say those three little words to him and him to her, but they knew it all the same. They could see it in each other's eyes. She knew that their relationship would not always be this perfect, that it might not even last, but she had to believe that it would. Because he was all she had to hold onto. And without him, she would never make it.

So, she had to live in the moment. She had to live for him just as he lived for her. Because even if only for a few months, she needed this feeling again. The one she had missed the most. The feeling of warmth, of love. The feeling you get when you know that something's right. It was the best feeling in the world. And he was the only one who could make her feel that way. So, for the time being, all of her doubts and insecurities would just have to fade away. Because for now, it was just him and her. Two people who found happiness in each other. And that was the way it should be.

She pulled away from him and smiled, taking his hand. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" he asked, looking confused.

"You were right. You and me need some alone time. Tonight."

He grinned. "But what about the others? What about your girl night?"

She looked at him. "They'll just have to wait. Right now, you're more important."

He smiled and kissed her again quickly. "You are the best."

She loved how sweet he was to her. She couldn't ever imagine living without this feeling again. She knew that if she lost it, it would break her. There wouldn't be anything left to save. She would be gone. Forever. Because, after having gone through so many hardships already, something this important to her, something that made her so happy, being torn apart, would kill her. It would rip her heart into tiny pieces that were left to bleed with no one to stop them until finally, one day, they stopped on their own. And she would be left with emptiness. With the cold and lonely memories of what had been, when even they couldn't keep her warm any longer. And that would be the day that she would be forced to look inside herself and see what was really there. Nothing.  
So, at midnight that Friday night, in that club, she decided that she wouldn't lose it. No matter what, she could never lose this feeling. Could never lose him. The only question was, how could she possibly keep him? She knew that all that had happened in her past couldn't just be boxed up and hidden somewhere. Until resolved, it would just keep popping up. And that would hurt him. She couldn't just suppress that whole part of her life, but she couldn't allow him to see it either. What was she to do?

But, for tonight, this issue would have to wait. For tonight, she would focus on this feeling. The feeling she got when it was just him and her. And for tonight, that was all she needed.

So, she felt more ready for this than she had ever felt for anything in her entire life as they made their way to the door. She was ready to show him how much she loved him. Maybe she couldn't quite bring herself to say it yet, for that would really mean she had let go of the Haley which had believed that love and happiness didn't exist, but she could show him. And that was what she would do. Especially if it made him happy. For she longed for him to experience the feelings she had whenever in close proximity to him. She wanted to make him feel wanted, loved, needed. She wanted him to be happy.

She could see that all she had forced on him was taking its toll on his strength. Though he was too proud to admit it, it was slowly dwindling down. While she was finally finding her strength and her faith again, he was slowly losing his. And she couldn't let that happen. So, she knew that she would have to make him happy. And, she was more than willing to. Because, as cliché as it might sound, if he was happy, she was happy. His triumphs were her triumphs. His trials, her trials.

She felt the warmth of his hand in hers and that reassured her. She knew, somehow, that everything would be ok. She was doing the right thing. And he knew it. And she knew it.

But, whenever it seems that you finally have a reason to be happy, something will happen to change that. Life has a twisted way of making the most unexpected things happen at the most inconvenient times. And sometimes, that makes us question our theory that everything which occurs in life has a purpose.

And for Haley, this event could be summed up in one word. Or rather, in one name.

Jack.

She had known he was coming, had been expecting it for quite some time now, but in the deliriously happy state which had preoccupied her, it had been pushed to the back of her mind. But there he stood, leaning against the far wall, those dark eyes of his following her every move.

She didn't know what he wanted. She didn't know what he had come back for. But, she did know that his visit certainly wouldn't serve to make things better. Instead, he would unleash what she had been trying to conceal from view all this time. The Haley from New York would be brought into the light for all to see. And it wouldn't be pretty.


	14. Chapter 12

Hey guys! Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I got sidetracked. But here it is. And can I just say thank you so so much for all the wonderful reviews I have been getting. Honestly, they really make my day. They inspired this update so thank you to everyone who reviewed. Enjoy and next chapter will be up sometime soon.

Chapter 12:

She stood there staring at him for the longest time. Disbelieving. It couldn't be him. Why, after everything was finally falling into place, when she was finally starting to piece back together the broken pieces of her life, of herself, did he have to come? He had taken all this from her, and now that she was finally starting to get some of it back, he was coming to take it from her again.

She knew the only person to blame for everything she'd become was herself, but she couldn't help but feel resentment toward him. True, it had been her choice to change, but if she had never met him, if he had never come into her life, she was pretty positive that none of this would've ever happened. She would have come back to Tree Hill and picked up where she left off and not caused any of the people she held closest to her heart pain. But in New York, she hadn't loved them anymore, or she had believed she didn't love them anymore. Now that she had returned and they were welcoming her with open arms, being patient and loving, never giving up on her, she wasn't sure what to believe.

If happiness never lasted, how could it be real? But nothing in this materialistic world does last, and how can nothing be real? She had thought that she finally found her place, where she was supposed to be, what she was supposed to believe, what she was supposed to do, but had she really?

Next to her stood Nathan, not quite sure what was going on, but standing by her anyway, loving her more than life itself. And on the other side of the room was Jack, reminding her of what had happened in New York, of who she was with him, of her painless existence there. Both stood so close to her, but they represented two different worlds. She had started out in and come to love one and then had been pushed unwillingly into another where the cold, hard truth had been revealed to her. Now, it was time to choose between these two worlds. For she could never live in both.

It didn't matter which life she chose, she would lose something. Either way, she would be missing out. The question was, which was more important to her? If Jack had not been standing there, watching her, she would have answered without hesitation that the life she led in Tree Hill gave her so much more. But now, he was forcing her to think about the other side, the other life she had lived in New York.

And though Tree Hill offered her love, warmth, and the possibility of never being alone, of never having to deal with anything on her own, of never being empty, what if she lost it one day? She wasn't sure she'd be able to handle that. And what would happen when she had no choice but to leave Tree Hill? Could she ever manage to build a life such as this anywhere else? She hoped so, but she knew that, no matter how hard she wished for it, it wouldn't come true.

So, maybe the safer choice would be to live in New York. There, she would never have to worry about losing all that she had gained. True, she would never be able to feel like this again, but at times, she thought it would be better than to experience it, only to lose it.

It was one of the reasons she didn't want a dog. When she was younger, she had. She had yearned for one like she had never yearned for anything before. It was her biggest wish. It was at the top of every Christmas list, her immediate response to the often asked question, "What do you want for your birthday?" But she had never gotten one. And for that, she was now happy.

Dogs are like the best friend you always wish you could have. They love you, sometimes more than even those you love do, they are forever in desperate need of your attention, your time, your love. When you have no one else to turn to, you can turn to them. They're loyal to the end, no matter what might happen. But, she didn't want to have a dog because she knew that it would die someday. Dogs' lives are shorter than humans, so she would have a few wonderful years with it, then have to go through the pain of watching it die, watching it leave her, and knowing it wasn't there the rest of the days of her life.  
This was similar to her situation now. But she knew that before she made any sort of decision regarding it, she needed to talk to Jack and Nathan. They held the key to everything. They would both be willing to fight for her, Nathan because he loved her, Jack because he had molded her. And she had to hear them out.

Nathan had been standing, watching Haley closely. She was in a daze and he could tell something was wrong. Her eyes were glossed over. As he moved to stare into them, what he saw scared him. They were empty. Her pupils were there, her irises there, but there was no emotion, no expression. They were just…… empty. He couldn't take it anymore. He needed to know what was going on.

So, he broke through her thoughts with his sweet and loving, gentle voice, "Haley, baby. You okay?"

She shook her head and her eyes cleared. "Um…… well…… We need to talk."

'Oh, God,' he thought, 'that's never good.'

Either she didn't see that she had upset him or she chose not to see it. Nevertheless, she continued. "You see that guy standing over there looking at us?" She pointed at him. "Wearing all black, dark hair, one ear pierced?"

He swallowed and nodded.

"That's Jack." She searched his face for any sign of emotion. At first, there was none. Then, as the shock passed and what she had said registered, he began to look worried. Panicked even.

"Haley, let's just leave. Please, forget about him. He's just gonna screw everything up. Please, Haley, let's just go."

Her face showed her torn anxiety. "Nathan, I know. But I need to talk to him. Don't you get it? I can't ever get past this if I just avoid it. I need to face this. I need closure. I have to move on."

He pleaded with her. "But what if you don't? What if he just messes everything up? What if he's just as convincing as he was last time and I lose you again? I can't do it again, Haley. I won't."

"That's just a chance you're gonna have to be willing to take. I mean, Nathan, I can't ever truly be happy or get my old self back completely unless I do this. I have to talk to him. You need to let me go."

"No. I did that once. I'm not gonna do it again. I can't. Haley, I won't lose you to him again. He can't even see what he did to you. You're both too blind to see it. He ruined your life. I won't let him do it again.

Tears glistened in her eyes. "Nathan, you can't protect me forever. I have to do this on my own. I need to know that I'm strong enough to. How do you expect me to be strong enough to do anything if I can't do this? You have to let me."

He kissed her sweetly on her lips. Crushing her to him, he kissed her forehead, then quickly released her, voice cracking as he said, "Go."

She reached for him, "Nathan."

"Just go!" he shouted.

She saw that she had hurt him and that killed her, but this was what she had to do. She had to move on or neither one of them would ever be happy. She was doing this for him she told herself. And it almost worked.

Slowly, she walked over and leaned against the wall next to Jack, not saying a word, not quite ready yet to open up the past.

But he spoke before she could. Slowly turning his gaze to her, he shook his head. "Haley, I'm disappointed in you. Did you never listen to a word I said? I thought you could survive moving back here, but I guess I was wrong. I mean it's been what, a couple of weeks, and already you have a boyfriend? Let me guess, you love him, right?"

She interrupted quickly before he could go on, "Yes, I do. And you coming here isn't going to change that."

He chuckled. "But don't you see, Haley? You don't really love him. You'll never love anyone. And if you do, then it won't end good. You're just gonna hurt yourself. You fall for someone, it makes you weak. Letting yourself fall isn't being strong. Keeping yourself from falling, holding yourself up, that takes strength."

She glared at him, fury blazing in her eyes. "Well then, if it makes me weak, it makes me weak. We don't have to all be strong like you, Jack. We can't all be strong like you. For once, I'm happy. Don't try to ruin it for me. If you do, you're just like everyone else back in New York. You don't care about me."

He smiled. It wasn't a warm smile, it wasn't kind or gentle. It was a sly smile, a secretive smile, as if he knew something she didn't. "Don't you understand, Haley? I don't care about anyone. And neither should you."

"And why the hell not!" she shouted, growing angrier by the minute.

"Because," he said calmly, "this world is full of nothing but people who lie and cheat and steal. People who stab their closest friends in the back. Your best friends, the people you say you love, are always the ones who betray you first. They don't care about you and you shouldn't care about them."

She was shaking with rage now. "You're wrong! You're wrong!" she cried.

"No," he retorted, "I'm right. And you know that. All these people here, they have nothing to offer you. You believe them, all the lies they tell you, when they say they love you. But that's what they are, Haley. They're lies. Everything they've ever told you. They don't mean it."

"You don't even know them."

He shook his head. "That's where you're wrong. I've never met them, but I know them. They're all the same. They tell you they love you, they hug you, they tell you they'll never leave you, but they will. Everyone gets left at some point."

Her anger began to dissolve as she realized that there was some sense in what he was saying. But then her brows furrowed. "Then why do they do it? Why would they go to all that trouble, spend all that time, all that energy, just so they can leave me? I mean, what's the point?"

He just looked at her. "Can you honestly sit here and tell me you don't know?"

She thought, but could come up with nothing. "Yeah, I can. Why don't you tell me?"

He didn't answer.  
And the anger returned. "It's because you don't know, do you? You don't know why they would do that. Because they wouldn't. You just want to corrupt me, you want me to be on your side. Well, it's not gonna happen. Nothing you could ever say or do would change my mind." She began to stomp off, but his voice stopped her.

"It's because they can. Everyone wants to know they have power. They want to know that they have the power to make someone else do whatever they want. People today are so greedy, they don't stop to think about what they're doing to you, or whoever else they're doing it to. Sure, some might think about it briefly, feel bad for a little bit, but they won't do anything about it. Because they just don't care enough to."

She turned back to him and could see that he believed what he was saying was the truth. But did she? And if he truly believed it, maybe that was what he was doing to her even now, corrupting her, wanting to know he had power over her. She just didn't know anymore.

He took a step closer, "Haley, you don't have to give me an answer now, but I want you to come back to New York with me. I know you think you've changed again, but you haven't. You have to believe me when I tell you that these people can't give you what I can." He grabbed her arm.

She jerked herself from him. "And what you can you give me that they can't? The chance to feel nothing, to be nothing. To never be happy, never be in love. Because that sounds like a pretty sad life to me."

He shook his head. "I thought I got through to you, but I guess not. Haley, these people can't offer you anything but heartache in the end. All they'll do is love you and leave you. If you come with me, you won't ever have to go through that. Here, sue you can be in love, but they won't be in love with you. And they'll just end up breaking your heart.""

"Yeah, but I could fall in love and have my heart broken anywhere. It could happen here, it could happen in California, it could happen in Australia for all I care! So, what's the difference if I stay here or go to New York? Cuz it's bound to happen anywhere I live, so why does it matter if I'm here or there?"

He looked at her sympathetically, as though she were a dumb child, not able to understand what he was teaching her. It infuriated her, and yet at the same time, captivated her. "Because, if you're in New York, you'll be with me, and I can do my best to protect you from that. I can remind you every day of why you shouldn't love someone. I can keep you from getting your heart broken. If you're here, I can't guarantee anything. If I leave you here, you'll stay with that guy you were about to leave with, the one you think you're in love with, and he'll leave you. And then, you'll have a broken heart. In New York, I can keep you safe."

She shook her head back and forth rapidly at him until she began to feel dizzy. "You can't keep me safe. You've gotta let me do what I want and just learn from what I do wrong. If I let you 'protect' me, I'm never gonna be my own person. And I'll never be strong, like you say you want me to be."

He sighed. "Well, I at least need to be able to have you near me until I know that you really understand what I'm saying. I thought you did before, but I guess you didn't. I need to teach you to believe this with all of your heart, just like I do."

"Jack, I see what you're saying. But I'm not really sure I agree with it. I mean, I can see how it would make sense, but at the same time, some of it's just crazy. I just don't know if I want to live my life like that."

"You don't have to tell me tonight. Just please think about it," he begged.  
Without another word, she walked away from him. He watched her go, knowing that he might have just won her over. Sure he didn't care about her, but it was just as he had told her before. Everyone wants to have a little power, especially over other people. He wanted power over her. He needed power over her. She was one of the most difficult people he had yet to meet. She refused to be conquered. And he always loved a challenge. He had a feeling he was about to win this one.

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Nathan watched Haley's interaction with this Jack character from afar and he could see that she was getting upset. He didn't like this guy one bit. Already, he could tell he had made a mistake in letting Haley go to him. He had done it once and it had ended with disastrous results. Had he really expected it to be different this time?

He watched Haley continually lash out at Jack and knew that she was fighting for herself, for him. He knew that when she had left him, she had a strong resolve to tell Jack off, to return to him unscathed, to finally put the past three years of her life behind her. And he was so thankful for that. He wouldn't lose her again. No matter what it took. But as the minutes wore on, he could see that a change was coming over her. Eventually, it began to look as though her anger were evaporating and she was beginning to really listen to all Jack had to say. As though she believed him.

And right then, he knew he had potentially lost her. Once she was convinced by Jack, she was gone. It had been a long and difficult process even to get her back to where she was at this moment. He knew that if it happened again, there wouldn't be any more chances. The other Haley wouldn't listen to reason a second time. So, as she came back toward him, he tried to act as though nothing were wrong, but he knew she could see it in his eyes.

Haley approached Nathan, who was sitting on a barstool, and slid into his lap, laying her head tiredly on his shoulder. They sat in silence for a few moments, neither knowing how to broach the issue on both their minds.

Deciding that she couldn't deal with all of this tonight, Haley lifted her head off Nathan's shoulders and gazed into his eyes, giving an exhausted smile. "We can talk about this tomorrow. I don't really feel like it tonight. Will you take me home?"

He kissed her forehead softly. "Sure, let's go."

His arm automatically settled tightly around her waist as he, towering over her, escorted her out to his car.

The ride to Haley's house was silent, both deep in thought about what had happened tonight, about what would happen now. As they drove up, Haley glanced over at Nathan. "My parents are out of town for a few weeks if you want to stay over."

He grinned and kissed her passionately, whispering, "God, I love you."

She smiled and led him out of the car and to her front door. He stood behind her, arms wrapped around her waist, kissing her neck, as she found her keys and opened the door. Stepping inside, he immediately pushed her against the front door, closing it, and brought his lips to hers. After a few seconds, his tongue pushed at her mouth, begging for entrance, which she gladly granted. He explored every crevice of her mouth, never wanting to let this feeling go.

He felt the same as she did. He was in love with her and knew she was in love with him. He knew it would take her some time to be able to voice this to him, but he could wait forever for her. He was just so happy that she would even be with him. A feeling of warmth and comfort overtook him as he lifted her and carried her to her room, laying her gently on the bed and settling on top of her.

His lips traveled over every inch of her skin exposed to him as she ran her fingers through his hair, eyes closed. Bringing his head back to hers, she smashed her lips back onto his, hands slipping beneath his shirt to trail over the taut muscles hidden from her view. Pushing the cotton material up, she slid it off him and threw it to the floor, kissing his bare chest softly.

He gently licked her neck, then kissed the wet spot, hands moving from her thighs to the hem of her shirt. Roughly, he jerked it over her head, smiling as he thought of how beautiful she looked. He kissed her shoulder, slowly sliding off the straps of her bra as she ran her hands lightly over his entire upper body, kissing his jaw line. Unclasping her bra, he slid it off, marveling at her beauty.

The rest of the night was spent in much the same fashion. Haley and Nathan made love for the first time and, in doing so, Nathan knew he had perhaps persuaded her to reconsider whatever it was Jack had been telling her. He hoped so. He had never felt this close to anyone in his entire life and it was the best feeling in the world. Even better than that of falling in love. He had given himself wholly to her and she to him. For him, nothing ever got as close to perfection as that night did. He was in love. And so was she.


	15. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

The next morning, Nathan was the first to awake and as his gaze landed on the angel laying next to him, he smiled, remembering. She really was perfect. In his eyes, she had always been perfect. And for awhile, she had gone through a rebellious stage and even he had come to believe she was lost forever. But now, he strongly believed she was beginning to come around again; he knew that with his time, his patience, and most of all, his love, she would once again be his Haley, the girl he had known so well, the person who meant everything and so much more to him. And to get her back, he would have to show her everyday. He would have to prove over and over that he would do anything for her, that nothing was more important than her, that no matter the circumstances, he would be there for her, even as she did her best to push him away. But he was willing to do that and so much more just to see her happy again.

As he remembered her encounter with Jack in the club the previous night, he scowled. She still hadn't informed him of what their conversation had been about and, from what he had seen, it had looked intense, which really worried him. Jack had managed to steal Haley from him once and, as he had told her the night before, it wouldn't happen again. Ever. 

Perhaps even he knew that, to a certain extent, he was being selfish, but he knew that he wouldn't survive it if he had to live through that again, especially considering that she had finally allowed herself to start a relationship with him. For years, he had dreamed of this and now it was finally within reach, he had finally grasped it. And he would not let some cocky son of a bitch from New York come and take it from him. He would fight for her. He would fight with all the power he possessed and if at the end, he didn't come out on top…… well, it just wasn't a possibility. He had to win. So, win he would.

As Haley's eyes fluttered open, she saw Nathan's content face, felt his arms around her, and she felt safe, as though nothing in the world could harm her. She felt safe and…… happy. Happy was an emotion she thought had no longer existed to her, that she believed didn't really exist to anyone. But Nathan had shown her she was wrong. And, at this point, she didn't know whether the outcome of this revelation and letting herself succumb to him would be good or bad, but at the moment she didn't care. All she cared about was being with him. It was the only thing that mattered.

She smiled softly and slid onto him, kissing him deeply. He pulled back slightly. "I could get used to waking up like this every morning."

She just laughed and brought his lips back to hers.

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A few hours later, they were finally out of bed and sitting at the kitchen table. Haley had made french toast and eggs and, as they sat eating their breakfast, Nathan repeatedly commented on her "amazing cooking skills."  
She grinned. "You know, you're just inflating my ego."

He shook his head. "Impossible, you don't have an ego."

She rolled her eyes and, smiling, grabbed their dishes off the table, dropping a quick kiss on his lips on her way to the sink. Depositing the dishes, she returned to the table, settling in his lap. Snuggling closer to him, she sighed contentedly. He smiled and kissed the top of her head, stroking her hair with one hand, the other placed on her hip.

"You made me miss out on a sleepover with Brooke and Peyton last night," she pouted.

He rolled his eyes. "And that's a bad thing?"

She narrowed her eyes teasingly at him.

"Our sleepovers are better," he stated cockily.

"Aw, whatever you need to believe, sweetie," she grinned, kissing him.

His hands tangled in her hair as he pressed his lips harder against hers, then moved to her neck, softly teasing her skin. She tilted her head back, giving him better access. "Mmm……" she moaned, "I should go take a shower."

He didn't listen, bringing her mouth back to his.

Smiling, she asked, "Wanna join me?"

He didn't answer, instead picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. Setting her down, he kissed her passionately, their tongues sliding together over and over. He pushed the straps of her tank top down, kissing her shoulder. She ran her hands over his bare chest, then kissed his nipple ring, taking it in her mouth and running her tongue through it. He groaned and pushed her shirt off completely, moving into the shower. He grabbed her waist and brought her in with him, pulling her flush against him. She smiled and kissed his jawline, reaching down and slipping his pants off.

He pulled her mouth back to his as he unclasped her bra and slid it off. "I love you," he whispered breathlessly.

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At around three that afternoon, Nathan and Haley were making out on the couch when abruptly, Nathan pulled away from Haley and sat up, bringing her with him. Her brows furrowed as she searched his face, wondering what was wrong.  
Questions had been plaguing his mind the entire day. He had loved every second spent with Haley, but couldn't stop thinking about Jack and what he had said to her. He needed to know if it was going to affect her, or him, or their relationship for that matter. He could be a patient person when it was required, but he was afraid now and he needed answers.

Nathan took a deep breath. "Haley, I love you and you know I would do anything for you. And I'm never gonna let you down. I'll always be here for you. But I need to know what you and Jack were talking about. This is really starting to scare me. I mean, I have no idea what he said to you, but I could tell that last night, it was really upsetting you. So, please, just tell me what he said to you."

She sighed. This was what she had been afraid of. All day, she had tried to distract Nathan and perhaps, without even realizing it, distract herself from the matter at hand. She didn't want to have this talk. She knew that Nathan would be upset by the fact that she was even considering Jack's offer and she couldn't bear to hurt him anymore. She already had too many times. By being in a relationship with him, she had thought that they could both stop hurting.

And then, Jack came into the picture. She didn't understand why something like this had to happen to her. She didn't understand it at all. It was as though God didn't want her to be happy. She knew that she had been a bad person for the past few years, but didn't all those years before that count for something? Anything? And shouldn't she be given the chance to correct the mistakes she'd made before something else came along to screw it up? But, apparently, she wouldn't be given a second chance because Jack was back and now, she had a decision to make.

It seemed as if all she ever did anymore was make life altering decisions. First, choosing whether to take a chance on Nathan and now this. It wasn't fair, she never thought that she would have to go through all of this. No one has a perfect life, but before New York, her life had been pretty close. It was all she wanted it to be. And now…… now, it was as though she didn't have a life anymore. If life was all about making decisions such as these and having to worry about losing yourself and all those you care about, and never being perfectly happy for more than a few moments, could you really call it living? She wondered.

For this particular decision, she knew she would need more time. But she would have to tell Nathan what Jack had said to her last night. So, she took a deep breath and, taking hold of his hands, began, "Nathan, honey, you know I love you too. You mean so much to me. I've finally realized that. But I have to make a choice and I'm not sure if you can help me. I'm not sure anyone can. See, when I was in New York, it took so much for me to be accepted there, but once I was, it was like nothing could ever hurt me again. I don't care about anyone, they don't care about me, I can't get hurt. And then, we moved back here and you showed me what I was missing. And that's when I fell in love with you. And with who you showed me I could be."

Nathan didn't quite understand where this was going, but thus far, it had gone pretty well. She had said nothing but positive things about how much she loved him and why and what he had done for her. But, he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, almost like a premonition, that it was about to take a turn for the worst.

And it did.

She cleared her throat. "And then, Jack came to Tree Hill. You know, I saw him last night at that club and I told myself he wouldn't get to me again. I would tell him all about the life I had now and how wrong he was and he could believe me or he could not, but either way, I would come back to you a stronger person. And then, he reeled me in again. He explained again to me everything he taught me in New York. He said it in a way that made so much sense, that made it sound like the truth. And I started believing him again. So, I got scared and that's when I walked back to you. I knew you would make me feel safe again."

He sighed. It wasn't as bad as what he had been expecting, but it still wasn't good. "Wait, you don't believe him, do you?" he asked, alarmed.

She looked down. "See, that's the thing. You offer me one thing and he offers me something else. And it's so hard to choose. With you, I get to be myself and, even though there's always the chance of falling, I'd get to be happy and in love and all the things we all used to wish we could be. But Jack has showed me that if you're never happy and you never fall in love or care about anyone else, you can never get hurt. Because what if one day, we break up, or you die and I'm left on my own? Sometimes, I would just rather take the safe road and know I never have to go through that."

He took her in his arms and brought her close to him. "Haley, I will never leave you. I promise you, I will love you til the day I die and even after. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. Stay with me. Please. I know I can't live without you and if you feel the same way about me, how will we survive it if you let me go now? Jack is wrong. Even if you never fall in love or care for anyone else, it doesn't mean you can't get hurt. Everyone gets hurt. Everyone is scared of getting hurt. But if you're strong, you'll take that risk and you'll learn that's it's better than anything you could ever imagine. Don't be one of the ones who sits on the sidelines your whole life, who's never happy. No one wants a life like that."

Silent tears began to stream from her eyes. "Yeah, but Nathan, what if you die tomorrow? I mean, what if a bus just comes and hits you and you die and you leave me here by myself after I spent so much of my time just loving you?"

He wiped the tears from her cheeks, wanting to cry himself. He hated that she was so torn and he couldn't do anything to help her. "Baby, if I die tomorrow, then I die. There's always the chance of that happening. But remember that saying, 'Better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all?' Well, it's true. Besides Haley, what if you died tomorrow? Would you want to die emotionlessly? Would you want to die unhappy? Death is always a terrible thing. But dying unhappy, alone, well, that's even worse."

She sobbed. "I see what you're saying, but I also see what Jack's saying. You know, a few years ago if you had told me I'd be where I am today, I would have laughed long and hard in your face. But I guess life surprises you sometimes. Nathan, this is bigger than you think it is. There's more."

"What!" he exclaimed. She buried her head in his shoulder, finding the pain written on his face unbearable. She knew that it killed him. The thought of losing her. But he had to know this.

"Nathan, Jack asked me something very important last night and whatever I decide, I want you to know that I do love you. I always have. And deep down, in my heart, a part of me will probably always love you. But I need some time to think about if this is right or not."

"What did Jack ask you?" Nathan asked calmly, knowing that him getting upset would only further upset her.

She hesitated. "He wants me to go back to New York with him. He thinks he can protect me better if I'm living right near him."

"What! No!" Nathan shouted

Haley flinched.

He smoothed her hair, "Haley, baby, I'm not angry with you, I just…… Uhhh! He thinks he can just come back here and ruin your life again and take you away from everyone who loves you and who's trying to help fix what he did to you. It's not fair! This is all his fault. Haley, listen to me. I will always love you, no matter what you decide, but you have to understand. It's gonna hurt me if you decide to go with him. Please, I know what I'm asking is very selfish, but please stay for me. You decide to stay and sure Jack'll be angry, but it won't hurt him. But you go with him and it's gonna kill me."

The flood of tears still hadn't stopped as she looked into his eyes. "I know. It's just so hard. I mean, I don't want to be selfish, but what about me? What about what happens to me? I mean, what do you think is best for me?"

He gazed at her, love for her overwhelming him as he brought her back to him. "Honestly, I don't have a clue. You never know, maybe you would be better off going with Jack. Or maybe, it would be best for you to stay here. Who really knows? Only you can answer that. And I think that while we fight over you, try to persuade you, subconsciously, you've already made your decision. We might not know what it is yet, but the answer is already there. It's in your heart. You just have to find it."

She smiled, even through her tears and kissed him sweetly, softly on the lips. "What would I do without you?"

He smiled back. "I don't know, baby. What would you do without me?"

Her smile faded. "Die."  
He frowned. "Don't say that, baby. You don't know that. You still haven't made your decision. But until you do and even after, I'm here for you. No matter what. I'll always stand by you. Always. Whenever you need me, I'll be there."

She snuggled closer to him. "I know. And sometimes, that's what scares me. Falling so deeply in love with you so fast. I mean, we're only in high school. But I love how we are together."

"Then please don't go," he pleaded her. "If I make you happy and vice versa, what else matters?"

"I already told you," she sighed, clearly not wanting to explain it again.

He sighed also, "Yeah."

"I love you, Nathan."

"I love you, Haley."


	16. Chapter 14

Hey all! So, we're nearing the end of this story. Just a few more chapters to go. Hope you're ready for this...

Chapter 14:

Deep down, she already knew what her choice was. She had always known. She had never really believed in destiny, but maybe, just maybe, it did exist. She didn't really know which path was the right one yet, but she knew it was there. The answers were within herself, they were just hidden. Hidden underneath everything that told her she didn't want to do this yet. She didn't want to choose, not because she didn't know what to do, because no matter what she chose, she would be leaving something behind.

It was sort of like heading off to college, knowing you'll be on your own for the first time. When you drive off in your car and look out the window at the town where you spent your whole life up until that point, all you can think about is your excitement at finally breaking free from it, finally starting your own life, away from the confinements of home. You're only looking forward to where you're heading. But, ironically, once you arrive, all you can think about is what you left behind.

She knew that whatever she chose, there would always be times when she would regret it. But running away from all of it wouldn't solve anything. She had to decide. It wouldn't be easy, but there was no escaping it. It was one of those things in life that, no matter how hard you try to push it away and pretend it doesn't exist, it always rises back up, continuously, without fail. It can't go unresolved.

The decision was hers and no one else's. In her life, she'd made a lot of mistakes. She had fallen again and again. But she had always picked herself back up and kept going. She believed enough in herself and that belief gave her the strength to move forward. But she knew that this time, there could be no mistakes. If she made the wrong decision, she wouldn't be able to pick herself back up.

And a part of her was scared at that prospect. But the other part of her was telling her that it was OK. That she didn't need to be afraid. She couldn't rush it, but the answer would come to her. And once it did, she would finally be free. She couldn't just forget about all that had happened and all she had done, but she would know that she had done the right thing for herself. And that in itself was a relief.

She looked now at Nathan, sitting with her on the couch, arms, as always, around her and smiled. She knew that maybe this relationship would only hurt them in the end. But she also knew that maybe it was worth it. No, not maybe, that it was worth it. She had done the right thing and it felt damn good. She could only hope that she would be able to do the right thing again.

Lifting her head off his shoulder, she kissed his cheek, then settled back into his arms. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. He knew that everything would be OK. It had to be. Somehow, he had to convince Haley that he was the right choice. He didn't understand how she couldn't see it now, but he knew he had to be patient. It would take her some time and he needed to give her just that. Time to work it out for herself. If they were meant to be, she would choose him.

He wasn't quite sure what would happen if she chose Jack. Right now, he really didn't want to think about it. But some things are unavoidable. If she went back to New York, she would be slipping from his grasp. In a way, she already was. Metaphorically, he could almost feel her hand slipping from his. He could barely hold on any longer. But he had to. He wouldn't let go of her again.

He kept telling himself that he was doing this for her. That she needed him, that she would be better off with him, that Jack would only hurt her more in the end. But he knew that was only partly true. He loved her and wanted to keep her safe, but at the same time, he was doing this for him.

Haley had been everything to him for a long time. He supposed she always had been. And it had taken him so long to get to this point, the point where she trusted him enough to be with him, where they could be happy together. He wouldn't have done all that he had to get here if he didn't think it was worth it. But it would all be for nothing if he lost her now. That was something he was completely unwilling to do.

Normally, he wouldn't consider himself very selfish, but he needed her. He needed her more than he needed air. She was his air. She was his everything. Without her, he would surely die. So, he vowed never to let her go again. Unless he thought it absolutely necessary, or unless for her benefit, he would never let her go. He silently promised her this as well as himself.

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It was a beautiful Sunday at 8:00 and, surprisingly, Haley had been awake for quite some time.

Her time in New York had taught her not to believe in God, that there was no God. If she couldn't rely on anyone, why should she rely on someone she couldn't even see? How did she even know He existed? But now, just being in Nathan's arms, being with him, she was beginning to doubt that belief.

Surely, there had to be some higher power that had given her this chance with him. And if there were no God, then how would she ever find the answers to all her questions? It was simple really, she couldn't see God physically, but she felt His presence. He was there with her always, He was with her no matter what she did. And He would help her through this. Just as He had always done.

It had been awhile since she had done anything that could even be considered remotely religious, but now, she felt that she needed some reassurance, some confirmation that there would always be someone there with her, even as others she cared for might die around her. So, she had decided that she would go to church today. She felt a strong urge to be inside a sanctuary. There, she was sure, she would find peace.

So, not wanting to disturb Nathan's rest, but feeling that she needed him there with her today, she slowly made her way back to the bedroom and eased herself onto the bed and back in his arms, in the same position as before. For a moment, she allowed herself to stare lovingly at his handsome features. He was all she could ever ask for and more.  
She saw the content smile on his lips and was happy knowing that she had put it there. She smiled softly and leaned onto him, gently kissing his lips. He stirred slightly, but didn't open his eyes. She kissed him harder, maneuvering herself so that she was completely on top of him. His eyes remained close, but his hands moved to her back as he slowly started to respond.

Smiling against his mouth, she traced it with her tongue. His hands rubbed the smooth skin of her back under her shirt. Teasingly, she pulled away and jumped off the bed. He groaned. "Haley."

She grinned. "Get your lazy ass up. We've got somewhere to be."

"Really?" he smirked, grabbing her arms and bringing her to straddle his lap. Before he could touch his lips back to hers, she leaned slightly away. "Haley!" he whined.

"Aw, I'm sorry baby, but we're going to church today," she smirked in return.

He groaned. "Do we have to?"

She pouted, "Please?"

He looked away, knowing his iron will would crumble under her puppy dog eyes and sweet little pout

She laid her hands on his face and brought it back around to face her, kissing him deeply. Pulling away so her lips hovered barely an inch from his, she whispered, "Please."

He didn't answer, instead brought her lips back to his, laying them down on the bed so he was positioned on top of her. His hands slowly removed her tank top, eyes drinking in her beauty. She stared up at him innocently with doe like eyes. He groaned. "Fine."

She grinned, pushing herself up to kiss him again. She ran her hands over his well sculpted abs, then around and up his back to tangle in his hair.

His hands ran over her hips, pulling her shorts down. Pulling them away from her ankles, he brought her legs around his waist and brought her mouth back to his, hands traveling to her breasts. She moaned as he massaged them lovingly, breaking their kiss to love them with his mouth. ""I love you,"" she whispered.

He didn't answer, instead laid on top of her and kissed her passionately.

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Two hours later, Nathan and Haley walked hand in hand into the sanctuary, both smiling happily. They took a seat in one of the middle pews, glad for others' ignorance in that they were hardly noticed. They hadn't wanted to make a scene and were glad they had done just the opposite. As others filled in the cushioned benches around them, Haley took in her surroundings, finding the way the light streamed in through the stained glass windows, captured and reflected by each small piece of colored glass, mesmerizing.

As the service began, she continued to concentrate on the windows, trying to decipher what each one meant. In a way, it held some semblance to the predicament she now found herself in. She just couldn't seem to find the answers.

She mechanically went through the motions of singing hymns and any other action she felt she should take part in, but for the most part, was lost in her own world. It wasn't until the sermon began that she was roused from her thoughts.

The minister cleared his throat and began with a Scripture reading, one which Haley was completely uninterested in. But as he began to go more in depth, she found herself riveted.

"We all seem to believe that God is an almighty being only serving the purpose of catering to every whim. Many sitting in this congregation now are among those people. But what we need to realize is that this assumption that He is here to give us everything we may want is very incorrect. Those who think He is are sadly mistaken. God is an is an almighty being and we should always have faith in what happens in our life because He knows where He's leading us to. He isn't here to give us everything we want, but He will give us what we need. He alone can give us that. We are here to serve Him, not Him us and so long as we do this, He will always protect us. During our lifetime, each one of us will encounter difficult situations, ones where it will seem nearly impossible to believe God is with us. But we have to know that He is there and He will pick us up should we fall. No matter the circumstances, we will make it through. But only should we choose to accept his help. Only He, this powerful being, this creator of all we know, can give us the answers to our questions and to our prayers……"

After that, Haley tuned him out. She had heard all she needed to.

Now, her attention was focused once again on the stained glass windows. They were beautiful, perfect in every way, very much like the life she had once dreamed of. But every dream must at some point be shattered and hers had long since dissipated. It wasn't that she didn't believe those types of lives existed. She was fairly positive they did for some ignorant, naïïve people. But it didn't exist for her.

Grown from a young, innocent girl into a worldly, well seasoned woman, she knew all too well what belief in perfection could inflict on a person. So, in a way, these beautiful works of art represented everything she would never have. But she was beginning to understand that you can't drown yourself in regret or in the past. It was time for her to move on with her life; to look forward to the future; to live in the present.

Here, in this quaint sanctuary with its small, wooden pews and ancient organ, she had found what we all search for, but what many of us never find : inner peace. She felt a calmness such as she had never felt before overtake her and she knew she could make it. Turmoil surrounded her, but within herself, she found refuge. There was no raging conflict in her. The was only peace and harmony. Now, she just had to use it.

She was in a place where she had thought she would never be again: happy and well on her way to finding herself, perhaps someone different, or perhaps who she had known she was all along. But either way, she could feel herself growing ever closer to finding the answer and making her decision. It was only a matter of time now. And time was something she knew she was running out of.

Thanks again so much for all the reviews. They were amazing. Keep em coming and I'll update soon.


	17. Chapter 15

Hey y'all. I decided to update again just for the hell of it. And because a certain someone is going away for 2 weeks and won't be able to read it. (You know who you are :) ) Thank you for the great reviews. You guys rock! Sad to say, just one more chapter after this, than an epilogue and this baby is done... :( There will be a sequel though, so look out for that. Anyways, enjoy:

Chapter 15:

It was strange how time, with all its complications, always seemed to run out. No matter how much you tried to stretch it out, make more of it, there was just never enough.

When she was younger, Haley had always believed she had all the time in the world to do everything she could possibly dream of. Enough time to be famous, see Paris and the Eiffel Tower, to change the world, to cure cancer, to solve all the problems on Earth, and to somehow still manage to fall in love, get married, have children, and lead a perfect domestic life. But she had been sadly mistaken. Now she realized that there wasn't time to do half those things; there wasn't even enough time to accomplish our most realistic goals. And she knew she needed more time to make her decision. But she just didn't have it.

She glanced over at Nathan next to her in the driver's seat And she smiled.

It was still hard for her to believe she had found such an amazing relationship with him. Right now, it was the only thing she had to hold on to; the only thing keeping her from drowning in a sea of indecision. He was her rock.

Suddenly, he looked at her and their eyes met.

And he smiled.

And she smiled.

And everything was OK.

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It was 6:00 PM that Sunday night and the gang sat around at their usual table. "So," Brooke began. "Any ideas for spring break?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about it," Luke said.

"Can't we just stay here?" Peyton whined.

Brooke glared at her, "No, we can not, Peyton," she emphasized the "not."

After a few moments, she continued as though unphased. "Anyway, we have to do something really fun."

"Like……" Peyton shook her head and raised her eyebrows.  
"I have an idea," Haley suddenly chimed in.

"How expensive?" Jake asked apprehensively.

She shrugged. "Won't cost you guys a dime." They all shared puzzled glances. She rolled her eyes. "My parents'll pay for it."

"Oh," they all seemed relieved.

"Will there be women?" Tim stupidly asked.

Ignoring him, Haley proceeded to explain her idea to them. "Well, we own this really nice house up in Charleston right on the water. Three stories, huge, really awesome. It's actually better than our one here." They all looked interested, so she plunged on. "We usually rent it out, but I can check to see if it's free for spring break. My parents'll be happy to pay for whatever else we want. And there's some really cool stuff to do there. They have bars and clubs nearby too."

"Sweet," Nathan said beside her.

The others wholeheartedly agreed.

"Alright, so I'll check it out," Haley smiled, glad to be of help.

Brooke beamed. "Great, now that's taken care of, summer plans anyone?"

Nathan groaned, "Brooke, give it a rest already."

Haley sighed and collapsed against him. Brooke pouted.

Tim grinned like an idiot, oblivious to everything going on around him; just happy the group had decided to include him. Haley laughed at the thought. Nathan smiled and softly kissed her still laughing lips. Then, settling back against him, she smiled contentedly.

This was how it should be, how she wished it could be forever. But she knew it would never last that long. At the thought, her smile faded into a frown as she was once again brought to despondent thoughts of the decision she had yet to make. She constantly tried to shove it to the back of her mind; to let it go for awhile and enjoy the company of her friends and Nathan, but it just kept resurfacing. And she didn't know why. Or perhaps she knew why; she just didn't want to.

The truth is never easy, but somehow it had now turned into a dark, ominous, suffocating thing. Because the truth was that this choice would ultimately decide the rest of her life. It would define who she became, who she would always be. She looked around and suddenly, the lights in the café seemed a little dimmer, a little darker, the faces at the surrounding tables suddenly ceased laughing, looking a little sadder, a little more hurt. Nothing felt right.

It was as though she was seeing them; who they were; what we all try so hard to hide: our unhappiness and the reasons for it.

She blinked and the lights brightened, the people seated nearby were once again laughing, their faces again happy and carefree. And Haley knew she'd also gotten just a small glimpse into the life she'd choose if she chose Jack. She shuddered and perhaps for the first time, realized how far away from making a decision she really was. She couldn't choose. She simply couldn't. It was too damn hard.

Thrown into a state of confusion, panic, chaos, she tried to regain control. But her ideas just kept swirling, demanding not to be ignored. What if she was wrong? What if she didn't have the answers? What if she wasn't strong enough to do this? What if she made the wrong choice?

There were so many what ifs, she wasn't sure if she could handle it all. She was drowning in her own thoughts, spinning out of control, slowly slipping away, losing her hold on reality. Until someone grasped her hand. Her eyes flew open to find that it was Nathan. He smiled down at her and kissed her hand, slowly releasing it. She hugged him to her, never wanting to let him go.

All this time, she'd been holding on, clinging to who she'd become in New York, too afraid of what would happen if she didn't; if she opened up - made herself vulnerable. But now it was time to choose. Did she keep holding onto that illusion, or did she finally let go? Letting go would free her, but was freedom really what she needed? Something told her subconsciously that maybe it wasn't. Maybe all her searching and all her revelations were meant only to bring her right back to where she started.

She was so tired of not knowing, of waiting for answers because she knew they all were expecting her to decide. She just didn't know if she could yet.

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The following day in school, she drifted through her classes, barely awake. She had been up all night before, overanalyzing her situation. But no matter how she twisted it, did her best to change it, she always came up with the same answer: she just didn't know. And she was getting tired of it occupying her every thought.

Even when it was at the back of her mind, its presence was still felt in everything she said and did. It was one of those things she just couldn't shake.

What she needed was a distraction. And there was only one person who could give it to her. As the bell rang, dismissing her from 2nd period, she stood and ran from the room, arriving seconds later at Nathan's locker. She saw he was talking to a few teammates, but she disregarded them, tapping his shoulder. He turned and smiled at the sight of a breathless Haley.  
With one quick step, she propelled herself into his arms and kissed him. She kissed him with all she had, trying to convey how much she needed him.

He pressed her hard against the row of lockers, hand inching up her smooth thigh.

Tim cleared his throat, but Nathan and Haley, too wrapped up in each other to hear him, didn't stop. The bell ran and the halls slowly emptied, but still they didn't break apart.

Haley placed her hand on his back, pulling him harder against her. They slowly, almost painfully it seemed, pulled apart. He stared into her eyes, breathing heavily.

Pushing off of her, he held out his hand and she took it. And together, they ran, leaving it all behind.

Just for awhile.


	18. Chapter 16

Hey guys. Thank you so much for all the new and incredible feedback. It is very much appreciated. And very encouraging. Btw, I know you won't see this for a few weeks, but you're welcome othgurl7. You deserve it for all the great feedback! And I remember sometimes begging people to update because I had to leave and they wouldn't and I'd be so upset. lol. I'm glad I made you so happy. Anyway, here's the next part, guys. Just an epilogue to go after this. tear But like I said, there will be a sequel, so it's not really over yet, right? That said, I'm sure you guys want to read more, so enjoy. Epilogue will be up later today or tomorrow.

P.S. I know it's not much talking in this one, but I figured we needed to get inside Haley's mind a little to understand the turmoil there. There'll more interaction between all characters in the epilogue. :)

Chapter 16:

It was a beginning and it was an end.

A beginning in the sense that anything she chose would lead her to something new.

An end in the sense that anything she chose would close a door. Whether it would be the door to who Nathan was still showing her she could be or the door to her recent past was still undecided.

Her whole future lay before her, unmarred by everything she'd ever dreamed she could be, everything she ever had been. She could do whatever she wanted with it. And yet, it was still unclear. It was the rest of her life, handed to her as easily as anything she'd ever done, yet she didn't want it. We always get what we don't want. Or what we think we don't want. And ironically, 99 of the time, it turns out to be exactly what we need. But, whether this decision was something she needed or not, she knew the rest of her life depended on it.

Her dreams, her goals, her life was right in front of her. All she had to do was grasp it. But contrary to the simplicity all of this seems to hold, it was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. To say goodbye to a whole piece of her life and hello to a new world of possibilities. But which would be which?

She knew that no matter what the outcome of all this would be, her whole life, her entire existence would be based upon it. There would always be times she would reconsider it; second guess it. It would always resurface, no matter how many times she tried to sweep it under the rug with all the other things she'd forgotten, bury it beneath millions of other memories, it would always come back to haunt her.

She wished she could simply throw all caution to the wind and do what her heart was telling her to, what it ached for her to do. But she knew it would only return to smother what little happiness she had left if she was so reckless with the biggest decision she would ever make. For most kids, this would be college. For Haley, it wasn't about academics, it wasn't about potential, it was about who she was. Or rather who she would be. For the rest of her life.

She knew that, depending on what she picked, her life could surpass even her wildest dreams. But if she chose wrong, it could sink to a level so far down, she couldn't possibly fathom it. And the thought terrified her, almost to the point where breathing was something she had to remind herself to do. She was suffocating and she only saw one way out.

_Sick and tired of this world_

_There's no more air_

_Trippin over myself; going nowhere_

_Waiting, suffocating, no direction_

_I took a dive and_

As she climbed into the car next to Nathan, her mind raced, flooding with memories of them together.

Parent Day. Kindergarten. A much younger Haley sat in a corner crying, neither of her parents in sight. They had been "unable to make it." Somehow, even as a young boy, Nathan had understood not to ask her what was wrong. Instead, he simply approached her and took her hand, leading her to where his family stood. After that, they were inseparable.

It was things like these she loved to remember, the kind of memories that make you forget, even if only for a few seconds, the predicament you're in. She loved to remember her and Nathan. Their lives had always been woven together in some way, whether big or small. They knew that through friendship, through love, through any type of relationship there ever was, they would stay together. Even if only bound to hate each other, they were destined to remember and never forget.

They would always hold on to the memories they'd shared together here in Tree Hill. It was what brought them together once. And now, it had done it again. But was it strong enough to keep them that way? Honestly, Haley thought she already knew the answer to that. But rather than face it, she chose to simply take a few seconds and remember.

When they were 9 and every time Haley was sad, Nathan would give her a hug and a kiss on her forehead. It became a habit. One which was still used today, though their relationship had evolved so much that the time when they were 9 years old was a time so long ago it seemed a century away.

When they were 13 and Nathan walked to her house every morning at 4:00 to crawl in bed next to her. They would cuddle together and fall back asleep for a few hours. It only showed how close they were, how close they would always be.

As a young child, she had been too blind to see it. But now she did. She saw how much Nathan meant to her. She saw how much he would always mean to her. And she knew that even if she did choose Jack, her heart would always be with him.

_On the way down_

_I saw you and you saved me from myself_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_And on the way down_

_I almost fell right through_

_But I held onto you_

And then came the more recent memories. The most painful, yet oddly the most memorable things.

Moving back to Tree Hill to find him still waiting for her. Waiting. She sighed. He was good at that. He was always so patient with her. Always willing to fight for her love. Or wait for it as the case may be. She knew he would wait until the end of time for her if he had to.

She remembered trying so hard to keep him away. But it hadn't worked. She remembered that night at the Rivercourt with him. How, even after she told him they could never be friends, he came to her and did everything he could to change her mind. Another thing she loved about him. She used to tease him about it. His stubbornness. But without it, they wouldn't be here now. And for once, she was glad here was where they were. For, even if she did go back to New York, these memories, this place would follow her there. And any time she needed something to give her hope, the memories of Tree Hill would be ready and waiting to remind her of just how good it could be. To remind her of something she'd lost or forgotten. Something she didn't realize the value of until she had to say goodbye to it.

She remembered how he refused to give up on her; how he had done all he could to show her how much he loved her and more. He always focused all his attention on her. She hated to think what it would do to him if she chose New York. But she wouldn't think about that right now. Now…… now, she would just remember.

_Been wondering why it's only me_

_Have you always been inside waiting to breathe_

_It's alright, sunlight on my face_

_I wake up and yet, I'm alive cause_

She remembered the moment their new relationship had started. She remembered how scared she had been, but looking back now, it was well worth it. She remembered all the times he'd kissed her lovingly; every time he'd held her when she was crying. She realized that if it weren't for his perseverance, they wouldn't be here right now. Anyone else would have given up long ago. But he loved her too damn much. And she knew that kind of love was hard to come by; it was nearly impossible. And she was so thankful she'd found it with Nathan.

She couldn't imagine a life without him. A life where there were no loving kisses, no one to hold her, no one to love her. Without him, she would never have any of that again. The thought caused a bittersweet sensation, one that left her longing to lie in his embrace forever, safe and protected by his warmth and the warmth of his love. And she would never have to choose or deal with the repercussions of it. There would only be him and her. And they would never fight.

But that kind of place is far off; something we can only dream exists. In reality, there is no such place, but in our hearts, in our dreams, there is. That is why every night, it seeps into our dreams, some element of it. Because we know when we wake up, it will be gone, vanished until the next time the sun sets and we can close our eyes again to the world and let our dreams lift us to impossible heights.

She wished such a place existed. But it didn't.

The car stopped and she jolted out of her reverie. They were at the docks.

_On the way down_

_I saw you, and you saved me from myself_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_And on the way down_

_I almost fell right through_

_But I held onto you_

Stepping out of the car with him, they walked to the bench right next to the water and sat there, holding each other. She stared out at the horizon, wondering how her life had ever gotten to this point. A few years ago, her problems consisted of crushes not liking her back, getting a bad grade on a test, being grounded and not allowed to do something with Lucas and Nathan. Now, they were much larger. And she didn't know how to solve them.

Gaze shifting to the water not far off, she watched it lap against the docks. It was calm and peaceful now as she watched it creep back and forth over the sandy bottom. She had run out of memories, so she sat in Nathan's embrace, relishing his warmth for quite possibly the last time, depending on what she chose. Her head told her that Jack was the safest choice. But her heart told her she didn't really care. So, which one to listen to?

She felt Nathan's body move away from hers and looked to see him standing up. He grabbed her hand and kissed it, giving her a reassuring smile. "I'm just gonna give you some time to think. See you later." He kissed her deeply, then whispered, "I love you," and was gone.

And that's when it hit her. Nathan could promise her over and over that he would never leave her, but it wouldn't change the fact that there would always be situations in which he could potentially break his promise. Because these days, promises are so easily broken. They are more often broken then kept.

She had thought she was finally coming closer to making a decision, but her eyes turned troubled again as she considered this new factor. Maybe it was true, but he still loved her. And she loved him. So, why was this so hard?

_I was so afraid of going under_

_But now, the weight of the world_

_Feels like nothing, nothing_

_(down, down, down)_

_You're all I wanted_

_(down, down, down)_

_You're all I needed_

_(down, down, down)_

_You're all I wanted_

_You're all I needed_

Nathan had held her up for so long. She had depended on him to make things better, to make them OK. Now, maybe it was finally time for her to learn to float on her own.

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_All that I wanted, all that I needed and now_

Nathan had been right all along. The answers had always been there, unseen, but real. She just had to find them. And she had. After months of torturing angst, it was finally over. She knew which choice was the right one. Maybe it would make her happy in the years to come and maybe it wouldn't. But it was right. And she finally knew that.

_On the way down_

_I saw you, and you saved me from myself_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_And on the way down_

_I almost fell right through_

_But I held onto you_


	19. Epilogue

Hello everyone. So, I came back and read the reviews for this past chapter and they were so overwhelmingly sweet :), so I just had to come back and update. Here is the epilogue, the final part. I hope you enjoy, leave a review if you have time. By the way, the sequel is called Holding on to Letting Go. I will begin posting that tomorrow so be on the lookout.

Epilogue:

It had had been a week since she made her final decision, an entire week and she had yet to tell anyone. It was now spring break and they were in Charleston, having arrived at her parents' summer house the day before. She knew that everyone was expecting her to decide and immediately tell them. She was trying to find the words to tell them what she had decided. And the time. The timing was imperative. It had to be chosen carefully. She had to tell Nathan what she had chosen. She had already told Jack. She knew she had to tell everyone else soon. Arrangements would have to be made.

She was surprised at her own self restraint. She had thought she would explode trying to keep this to herself, but she had easily kept it a secret. Perhaps because she knew she had made the right choice. If she hadn't…… well, she didn't want to think about that right now.

The gang was hanging out on the beach at 5:00 that night, Lucas chasing Brooke and Haley around. Brooke was screaming, Haley couldn't contain her laughter. He finally caught up to Haley and grabbed her, carrying her to the water's edge. "Lucas, drop me, and I swear, you won't live to regret it."

"Oh really?" he raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"Oh really," she mimicked him, then bit back, "Yes, now set me down, you ass."

He feigned shock. "Haley, you've wounded me."

"Shut up, bastard," she mumbled teasingly. He held her over the water, balanced precariously in his arms. The others just watched from a distance, laughing, but staying away in fear of being Luke's next victim. Not wanting to go down without a fight, she barely managed to reach his shin and give it a good, solid kick.

"Ow!" he yelled. What happened next surprised them both. He lost his balance and they went tumbling down in the cold water together.

Coming up, Haley gasped. "Jerk!"

"Hey, that was completely your fault," he said, muttering under his breath, "shin kicker."

She rolled her eyes, "Grow up."

He grinned and dunked her. She came back up and narrowed her eyes menacingly. She retaliated, dunking him as well, then maneuvering herself so she rested on his shoulders. He stood up with her atop his broad frame. She raised her arms in victory, when suddenly, he dove forward, bringing them both crashing back into the water. They came back up laughing.

He hugged her impulsively and she returned the gesture. He smiled down at her. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked, smiling back.

"Being my best friend."

"I always will be," she replied and they both grinned, splashing each other and continuing to play like little kids in the water, hoping to forget for awhile all the troubles their teenage years had brought with them. Soon, Brooke, Nathan, Peyton, Jake, and Tim had joined them and they all remembered what they used to have, knowing that, while it had been great, they had found something far greater in each other.

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That night, sitting around the campfire, Haley knew that, though she'd made her choice, she was supposed to be here right now. No matter what the right choice was, New York, or Tree Hill, this is where she belonged at the moment. And there was nowhere else she'd rather be than with the people she cared about the most, especially considering that her decision would soon be revealed to all.

She sat, sandwiched between Nathan, who she was holding hands with and Lucas, who had his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Luke's other arm was around Brooke's waist on his other side. Across from them sat Peyton and Jake, Jake laying with his head in Peyton's lap. Tim sat between the two groups, glad to finally be in the middle of something rather than on the outskirts.

They all roasted marshmallows and made s'mores and laughing, having a good time, forgetting who they were and where they came from, just enjoyed each other's company.

Lucas stood and stretched, then grabbed another marshmallow, approaching the fire. He turned back towards the others. "Hey Hales, Nate, remember the time Keith took us camping when we were like 7?"

Nathan and Lucas laughed, while Haley turned scarlet with shame and buried her head in Nathan's shoulder.

Brooke, sensing an embarrassing childhood story, was already smiling as she asked, "What happened?"

"Well, you see," Nathan started, "Haley has always been deathly afraid of bears."

Lucas picked up, "Yeah, so we told her there would probably be bears, but us men would protect her."

By now, Haley had picked her head back up. "Yeah, and I was stupid enough to believe them."

Nathan laughed. "The whole day, Haley kept thinking she heard things in the bushes, that she heard bears or that she had seen a flash of brown in the trees."

Haley slapped him lightly. "Hey, not true! They kept telling me _they _saw bears and heard stuff in the bushes. Liar."

Lucas grinned. "Yeah, but see, it was all part of our plan. We were gonna pretend to be bears that night and scare Hales. We thought it was the perfect plan."

Nathan interrupted. "Turns out, we wouldn't be needing it. We had left Haley to find a place to pee because we figured she needed her privacy. A few minutes later, we hear a scream. So, we run back to where we left Haley and there in front of her, is a bear cub."

Lucas chuckled. "Or that's what she thought. That poor little chipmunk got one hell of a shock when Haley picked up a stick and almost beat him to death with it."

The group erupted in laughter.

"I was paranoid," Haley defended herself.

The next few hours were spent reminiscing. They learned more about each other than they'd ever thought they would. At around 1 in the morning, there was a lull in conversation and, as she looked around, Haley knew it was time to tell them. She had to do it now before she lost her nerve. It was now or never. Taking a deep breath, she pulled gently away from Nathan and Lucas and stood in the center of the group. She had everyone's attention.

"Guys, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I'm sure by now that you all know about Jack and how he came back and his…… proposal I guess you could call it. And you all know how hard this has been for me and how much I've thought about it. And the more I thought, the more I realized that the answer wasn't that hard. You see, a person I'm very close to had told me that the answers to all my questions, to what the right choice was, was in my heart. I knew the answer, I was just scared to admit it."

She looked around at all of them, how anxious they looked, and knew, that, though this was not when she originally planned to tell them, she couldn't back out now. They knew she had decided and they wanted their answer.

So, she continued. "Well, I know this may be hard for you to believe, but I actually do think that Jack had a point in that if I didn't let myself love anyone, I couldn't get hurt. And I know none of you will probably ever be able to understand that, but you would if you had gone through what I went through. So, that's why it wasn't as easy as just picking Tree Hill and letting it be over. You see, I figured out that this whole time, I've been too afraid to let go of New York. That I've been holding onto it. So really, it was just a matter of whether I should keep holding on or let go. But I was still confused. So, I took some time, really thought about it, and suddenly, it just came to me. And I know you're all dying to know what my decision was, so I guess I'll tell you."

They all stared at her, their anticipation rising, hoping for the best, but knowing there was a huge chance it wouldn't happen.

She looked at each one of them in turn. Nathan, how she loved him. He was her everything. It had taken her too long to figure that out. Lucas, he was her best friend, she was closer to him than almost anyone else. Their kind of relationship, their closeness, was something most people can only dream of one day having. Brooke, despite all her judgments, Brooke had proved to be an amazing friend with an amazing heart. Peyton, she was different, that much was certain, but she was there for you when you needed her. Haley thought of Jake, sweet, kind, and all the other things you could ever hope to find in a guy. She was glad she knew him, and even more glad he was her friend. And Tim. Tim was something else. But she wouldn't trade him for the world.

She knew all of them had the potential to hurt her deeply. They had her heart. So, she needed them to know what she had chosen. "It wasn't easy; finding the answers, and everything that came before that. Now, I've already talked with Jack about this and he knows what I decided, so now it's time for you to know." She stopped, not sure if she was strong enough to do this.

And then she looked at Nathan and felt a surge of strength. She walked to him, never tearing her gaze from him and knelt before him, hands on his knees. "I love you more than life itself and because of that I know that you have the ability to break me. That is why, I'm giving you my answer. My heart. I'm asking for your blessing, Nathan, to stay in Tree Hill and be with you."

All her previous doubts melted away as the fear vanished from his eyes and he shouted for joy, jumping to his feet and throwing her in the air, catching her and kissing the life out of her.

The others surrounded them and enveloped them in a group hug. She looked around at all of them, the joy shining in their eyes and she'd never been happier.

She looked up at the night sky, at all the stars, and she knew that somewhere, under the same sky, Jack was back in New York, upset as hell she hadn't chosen him. As a shooting star flew across the sky, she closed her eyes and wished that she would never have to see him again.

As another shooting star rocketed across the sky, she slid her eyes down to meet Nathan's and whispered, "Make a wish."

He kissed her softly. "It already came true."

The rest of the night (or early morning shall we say) was spent celebrating. They finally had Haley back. And she was here to stay.

For the first time in ages, not having to worry about anything, she let herself enjoy the night and be free. Free from Jack and free from New York. She had finally let go and it felt damn good.

And she realized that if you don't let go, you'll never know what you might have missed out on. And she would have hated to miss out on this.

_On the way down_

_I saw you, and you saved me from myself_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_And on the way down_

_I almost fell right through_

_But I held onto you_

Thanks so much everyone who reviewed. You really made writing this story worthwhile. I hope you liked the end and don't forget to look for the sequel tomorrow.

Luv all you guys,

Ashley


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